The Heart Wants What It Wants
by masumi-marine
Summary: Finale! Time to right the wrong. HarmMacWebb Confrontations and an undercover mission
1. Default Chapter

Title: The Heart Wants What It Wants  
  
Author: Masumi  
  
Email: masumi_marine@hotmail.com  
  
Classification: Harm/Mac/Webb   
  
Disclaimer: JAG belongs to DPB and CBS. No infringement intended. All songs belong to Darren Hayes and can be found on his (fantastic!) album _SPIN_.   
  
A.N: Hiyas all, i'm another first time fanfic writer. When i accidently stumbled upon my first ever fanfic, i was blown away. A whole new world was opened up to me (and since then swallowed me whole ;D ). So i just wanna say a huge thanx in general to all the authors out there who have allowed me the chance to read some of the most amazing fanfics - you guys ROCK!  
  
About the story... My main inspirations come from music and that in particular from one very talented Mr Darren Hayes. The story titles comes from the names of the songs from his CD. Depending on people's feedback i'm hoping to continue with the use a different song in each following part of the story.  
  
Also, i'm an Aussie Jag fan who knows little more than the basic details about the show. So please excuse-moi for any mistakes and take them as pure imagination.  
  
Any suggestions, comments, constructive criticm...i.e FEEDBACK _puh-leeasse!_   
  
Now, without much further ado...  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


12:53 EST  
Monday   
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
  
Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie stormed through the busy bullpen intent on only reaching her destination before she exploded. The rapid tap-tap-tap of her heels sounded dangerously like a firing machine gun. The door slammed with such force that the windows rattled slightly. The busy buzz of activity in the bullpen was instantly brought to a hushed silence before it quickly resumed with renewed speculations.   
  
Judge Advocate General, Admiral Chegwidden'a gaze followed the Colonel's warpath from the doorway of his office. He groaned internally, wondering what sort of trouble a certain Commander had caused in court today and which would inevitably cause trouble for himself. No one had warned him that the hardest job of being the JAG involved dealing with an emotional stubborn Marine and an equally pig-headed Squid.   
  
_You say one thing and  
There I go turning around again  
Working things over better left unsaid  
Spinning around in my head  
Taking a moment  
Too personally_  
  
12:55 EST  
Lt. Col. MacKenzie's office  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
  
Inside her office Mac threw down her files onto her desk in disgust. She slumped into her chair and squeezed her eyes closed in total frustration. How dare he! Who the hell did he think he was to sandbag her like that - AGAIN. She took a deep breath, tring to remember the yoga exercise she'd learnt to help calm her nerves.  
  
His use of tactics had not only attacked her client but also Mac's own integrity. After the verdict of not gulity had been announced, out of the corner of her eye she'd seen Harm receive a hug and greatful thanks from his defendant. His tall, blonde, striking _female_ defendant. Meanwhile Mac had been left to console her own upset client.   
  
She refused to acknowledge the part of her conscience which suggested perhaps her strong anger had something to do with the fact that the person he'd so valiantly tried to defend, had been another blonde bimbo.  
  
Same time  
Cmdr Harmon Rabb's office  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
  
Commander Harmon Rabb Jr was a Naval Aviator pilot-turned-lawyer. Yet, at this particualr moment in time he prayed for a miracle. For his bi-plane to fly by so that he could hop in and take off. Or even any UFO would be good, if only he believed in any of Bud's crazy notions. Still, _anything_ would be better than the dilemma he'd created for himself.  
  
Now that his office was right next to hers, he felt and heard more than anyone else the fury behind the slam of Mac's door. He sat lost in thought ambiguously. Perhaps he should give her some more time to cool off before he started his plea bargaining, or downright begging. But he knew from past experience that time didn't always necessarily cool down one very pissed off marine. Especially when said anger was caused by someone named Rabb.   
  
Harm shot off a curse under his breath. It couldn't have been helped though. There'd been no doubt in his mind of his client's innocence, but the only way to have proven it was to spring a surprise on Mac's client, in the middle of trial. He'd known that it would inadvertently hurt Mac but he didn't understand the depth of her anger though. It had been a long time since he'd caused her to be this angry with him. Now in return for his client's not guilty verdict he was going to pay for it with an outraged Colonel to deal with.  
  
No, he'd better start on his reconciliation mission ASAP. No time like the present. He wasn't going to get any more work done anyway. Grabbing his cover and keys, first he'd have to prepare.  
  
Several heads in the bullpen turned to watch curiously as he emerged from his office. A certain blonde Lieutenant was disecretly disappointed when he headed for the elevators instead of the Colonel's door.  
  
13:46 EST  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
  
When Harm returned, this time he headed straight towards Mac office. All her blinds had of course been yanked shut and the door solidly closed. This was her marine warning, basically translated into: DANGER, TRESSPASS AT YOUR OWN RISK. He knocked once firmly but in trepidation.   
  
There was a few seconds silence then, "Enter" came the curt reply. He closed the door quietly and stood silently observing her with his hands crossed behind his back. Usually, the sight of Sarah MacKenzie gave him a sense of calm and peacefulness, just to her close with him nearby. Now was definitely not going to be one of those times. She hadn't yet looked up from scribbling notes on her files.  
  
When she finally rested her hand and saw him, she stiffened instantly. Harm could see Her whole body tense, preparing for combat. She shot him a glare so murderous that he momentarily lost his composure and forgot his game plans.   
  
For about a full minute both gazes locked and both pairs of eyes were guarded from revealing too much of their true emotions to the other. Mac noted exactly 43 seconds before Harm spoke.  
  
"Mac, look..." he paused, struggling to find the right words. Mac waited silently, still with a scowl on her face, eyes narrowed. She wasn't going to make this easy for him.   
  
"I wish i didn't have to do that to you but she was facing murder one charges! Come on Mac, i know you believed in her innocence too. It was my only last card to play and trust me, i thought long and hard about it. You should know by now everything stays in the courtroom and i didn't mean anything personal. If i hurt you in any way, well...i'm sorry."   
  
Mac's demeanor softened slightly. His open honesty and especially his direct apology surprised her. One rarely saw this side of Harmon Rabb. He must truly be feeling really bad. She could see the sincerity in his aqua-marine eyes and also the hopeful plea for forgiveness. She didn't answer straight away, letting him stew in the silence.   
  
"Commander, next time you resort to desperate measures at least have the decency to warn me beforehand" she replied, softening her words with just a purse of her lips.  
  
"Aye m'am." He offered a small peace-offering smile and held out a bag in his hand.  
  
"I know you haven't had lunch yet so i got you a beltway burger."  
  
Mac took the bag from him, once again hiding her surprise.  
  
Harm waited expectantly. Was he off the hook? At least she wasn't shooting him down with anymore of those piercing glares. Perhaps he could...  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
"Ahh...no."  
  
"Dismissed Commander," Mac said with just a touch of frost. Turning her head back to her work, she bit back a smile. She couldn't let him off too easily.   
  
_I have told you just half the words  
I've wanted to give to you  
Fear of rejection keeps my heart at bay  
Feelings I'd rather not say  
I'd rather have you close  
Than never at all_  
  
Harm returned to his office and sank into his chair with an exhale of breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. Phew. She seemed to have taken that quite well all things considered. To be truthful, he'd expected an ugly confrontation. At least she had accepted his peace-offering burger. He was going to take that as a good sign. Now he'd have to think of a way to get off being called only by the rank name basis.  
  
He smiled, the best way to pacify his Marine was through her stomach. God, he had to stop thinking of Mac as _his_, at least until she was officially. Yea, and that was going to happen as soon as his yellow bi-plane arrived by itself at JAG HQ to fly them off into the sunset, he thought sarcastically.  
  
It sure was getting harder and harder to keep his true feelings hidden and buried deep down. Over the years he'd known that he was falling for Sarah MacKenzie, which sane man wouldn't. Until recently though, whenever those feelings pushed to be acted upon, he did exactly the opposite. He would ignore them and tell himself it was only a love for her as his best-friend.   
  
Then, as if it was a sign from above, he had been plunged into the freezing depths of the Atlantic ocean and the experience had definitely awakened him from his state of denial. It had brought about a new sense of clarity into his life. In the face of a life and death situation he'd finally came to his senses and acknowledged that he couldn't live without Mac. No matter what. He'd fallen too deeply in love with her.  
  
However, as was the norm their lives became more complicated but even more entangled together. Misunderstanding and the inability to communicate about their feelings to try and take their relationship to the next level, led to mistake after mistake being made. And so they remained in tandem, on the brink between friendship and lovers.   
  
A knock on his door broke Harm out of his reverie. Darn, he still had a stack of files to go through and he was still due in court soon. He didn't want to be working late today, especially if all went according to plan.   
  
_But every now and then  
When my world is closing in  
I feel you breezin' through my mind  
I can attempt to close my eyes  
I can avoid the wrong or right  
But something deep inside  
Says my heart wants what it wants_  
  
19:45 EST  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
  
Harm had rushed through his work and managed to finish early. He'd just been gazing out of his window waiting for this moment to see Mac preparing to leave for the day. Gathering his briefcase and coat he swiftly headed out the door.   
  
"Mac!" he called.  
  
"Yea?" she turned in the elevator holding the doors for him. He caught up and she gazed at him trying to figure out what he could be up to now.  
  
Trying to appear nonchalant, he asked in a rush, "it's pretty late, you wanna come over and we'll share dinner?" Hmm he sure was doing some major groveling to make it up to her. She frowned and pretended to consider the invitation.  
  
"I promise to cook a non-vegetarian dish for you" Harm persuaded.  
  
"Deal Flyboy, but don't think you're gonna get your sorry six off that easily. I'm gonna expect plenty more of these free meals in the near future" she shot back at him as she walked out of the elevator.  
  
Harm broke out in a full blown flyboy grin and the tightening that he'd felt in his heart all day finally loosened it's hold.  
  
09:20 EST  
Tuesday  
Admiral Chegwidden's office  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
  
During the staff meeting the Admiral had surreptitiously observed the Colonel and Commander. He was pleased to see that yesterday's danger seemed to have passed without further drama. His top two litigators were perfessionally, Batman and Robin in disguise and formed a brilliant team whether they were opponents or partners in court.  
  
But their personal relationship was another matter altogether different. There was no denying that Rabb and MacKenzie shared a strong bond, right from the start when he'd first introduced them to each other. Sometimes the chemistry between the two was so strong it felt as if they were a bomb threatening to explode at any time.  
  
Only to himself would the Admiral reluctantly admit that he wished they would get their heads into the gutter and just goddamn get together! Hell, they both deserved some happiness. Then, if they were happy he would also certainly be alot happier, not to mention live a much easier life. Their partnership had been a never ending roller coaster of extreme ups and downs that often dragged himself and his other officers along with them for the ride. Even with the advantage of being an ex-SEAL, the Admiral felt he was still getting too old to handle the pair of yin and yang.  
  
15:40 EST  
Thursday  
Lt. Col. Sarah MacKenzie's office  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
  
"Finally" Mac said tiredly, closing the last of the files she and Harm had been working on. Standing up Harm stretched his long legs and arms in the air. Wow, Mac couldn't help but notice.  
  
"Hey you want another free meal tonight then Colonel?"  
  
So he was still trying to compensate for his actions in court from earlier this week. Their dinner on Monday night had erased any lingering traces of her anger. She'd like nothing better than to take up his offer, but duty came first and tonight she had work to do.  
  
"Sorry Harm not tonight. But i'm taking a raincheck" she smiled at him.  
  
"Ok, but let me know when you're ready to cash it in. Although, with the amount you ate the other night i might not be able to afford it." With a laugh and a wink, he slipped out her door before she had a chance to retaliate. Geez, his ego had been punctured but definitely not entirely deflated.   
  
_Baby  
Stay away  
Do the right thing  
I know I should run  
But my heart wants what it wants  
Baby  
Stay away  
Do the right thing  
I know I should run  
You know the heart wants what it wants_  
  
19:17 EST  
Function Room  
The White House  
Washington, DC  
  
The vast room was lavishly decorated. To one side two long tables were laden with the finest food fit only for the types of people currently present, although the President would not be making an appearance. However, over a hundred of the military's highest ranking officers and other important members of Parliament were congregated here tonight.  
  
Harm stood quietly in one corner, occasionally taking a small sip of the cocktail he held in his hands. He'd already made the necessary small talk with many officials and senators including Congresswoman Bobby Latham herself. He had seen a strange look pass over her features when she'd first spotted him. Picking up a plate of hors d'oeuvres she'd came over to Harm for a brief hello, but before he had a chance to question her, she'd been wisked away by another senator.   
  
Harm sighed, thinking back to earlier in the day when he'd been hoping to share another evening with Mac but she'd turned down his offer. Now he was stuck here for at least another two hours or so before he could politely make a quick exit. The Admiral had called an hour earlier saying Harm was needed to take his place at the last minute because the Admiral himself couldn't make it back in time to attend the function. As far as Harm was concerned, this was just another boring diplomatic social gathering that required a JAG presence. Unfortunately for him, he had to be that presence.  
  
He popped another olive into his mouth. They sure didn't take much into consideration for the number of potential vegetarians who would be in attendance tonight. His gaze circled around the room. Mostly they were all men dressed in their crisp uniforms or suits. There were only a few dozen women. Suddenly his eyes were drawn to the backs of a couple standing about eight metres in his direct line of sight. He could tell just from her back view that she had be one heck of a good looking brunette. Standing close next to her was a man about the same height. He also had brown hair, dressed in a very expensive looking navy colored striped suit. Harm turned his attention back to the woman. She was wearing a long black sparkling dress, the majority of her back exposed. He admired the way the dress fit her long slender physique. Just like the way Mac had looked beautifully at the NATO ball.  
  
Damn he had it bad for her, now his mind was conjuring up images of Mac everywhere he went. Groaning, he turned to pick up another olive to chew on. It was going to be a long night.   
  
20:00 EST  
Function Room  
The White House  
Washington, DC  
  
Harm was on his third drink when his hands froze in mid air and he gasped in surprise. The woman he'd noticed in the black dress now stood facing in his direction. It was no hallucination. It was indeed one gorgeous Sarah MacKenzie. She took his breath away. From across the room he saw Mac smile and talk to the same man she had been with earlier, whose back was still turned to Harm. What was she doing here? And more importantly who was that man she was seemed to be so cozy with? He frowned and unconsciously tightened his grip on the glass he was holding when he saw them link arms and walk out towards a terrace balcony.   
  
Setting his drink down he quickly followed. Halfway across the room he suddenly halted in his tracks. Sub-consciously, his brain noted that someone was apologizing repeatedly after bumping into him and had spilled drink on his back.  
  
But the only thing that registered was the scene Harm could not believe he was now witnessing. It was as if his world had frozen in time and all other people and activity ceased to exsist. The loud chatterings faded into the background. Now he knew the man whom Mac was with - Webb. Clayton Webb. And he'd just pulled Sarah MacKenzie into a passionate embrace. And from the looks of it, the lip lock definitely wasn't only a one way street. One of her hands were tangled in Webb's hair whilst his arm encircled her body.   
  
_You do one thing and  
Then I go  
Always imagining  
Reciprocating feelings that aren't there  
Sometimes I think you're aware  
Your body language, it gives you away  
Maybe I should run  
Turn my back  
Head for the sun  
Feelings left to come undone_  
  
Snapping out of his shocked daze Harm spun on his heels and strode back in the opposite direction in which he came. All rational thought fled his brains, all except for the image of Mac in the arms of the Spook. He had to get out of here.  
  
Harm felt the feelings of doubt, betrayal and anger hit him like the force of an F-14. Slamming the door of his SUV, he started the car and took off, the tires screeching in the chilly night air. How could he have been so wrong? Since when had she gotten more than friendly with Webb? His blood was pounding furiously in his brain and thought after thought raced around in his confused mind all trying to process what he'd just seen.  
  
_Maybe you like what's goin' on  
Deep down inside I know it's wrong  
I know I should run  
But the heart wants what it wants_  
  
Arlington National Cemetary  
Arlington, VA  
  
Harm didn't know how long he'd been standing there, trying to draw strength from his father's name inscribed on the wall. This was the only other place apart from Mac where he could find some solace in his often troubled soul. His fury had calmed down just enough to stop him from taking a drastic course of illogical action. Something along the lines of beating up an unfortunate Clayton Webb.   
  
_It's not even a love affair  
I'm makin' plans with the ghost of what was there  
I've become a desperate fool  
And it's all because of you_  
  
Getting back into his car Harm rested his forehead on the steering wheel, both hands were clinched tightly closed into fists. Damnit! Damn her. Damn him! The intensity of his own emotions scared even himself. He'd felt something like this through her whole engagement fiasco with Brumby. But now he'd thought things were different. He'd been so sure that they were finally moving on beyond friendship. Although they still hadn't had that talk about their relationship, Harm had been positive that since Jagathon, he and Mac had finally arrived to the same mutual agreement. With the little improvements to their friendship in that time, the dinners, joking around and generally spending alot more time togther. Could he really have read the signs all wrong?  
  
Slamming his fists against the steering wheel again and again, the pain on his hands paled in comparison to the agony Harm felt in his heart. He had to know. He needed to confront her and find out what the hell was going on once and for all. He couldn't take the risk of losing her or himself again.  
  
_Do the right thing  
I know I should run  
But my heart wants what it wants  
Baby stay away  
Do the right thing  
I know I should run  
You know the heart wants what it wants_  
  
_Baby stay away  
Do the right thing  
I know I should run  
But my heart wants what it wants  
Baby stay away  
Do the right thing baby  
Because the heart wants  
What the heart needs  
Can the heart get  
What the heart wants  
  
_


	2. Strange Relationship

Title: Part 2 | Strange Relationship   
  
Author's Note: Big thanx to everyone for the encouraging feedback. This is the next instalment to 'The Heart Wants What It Wants'. It takes place almost simultaneously to THWWIW, from Mac's POV.  
  
All stories can be found at: http://www.geocities.com/masumi_marine/   
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


**Thursday  
17:23 EST  
Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment  
Number 201, The Washington  
Georgetown  
  
**

_Do you love me?  
Or am I just another trip  
In this strange relationship  
You push and pull me  
'Till I'm about to loose my mind  
Is this just a waste of time_

The room was basked in semi-darkness. The only source of lighting came from the four scented candles, one surrounding each corner of the bathtub. Sarah MacKenzie lay relaxed in an almost trance-like state of mind. She was in the midst of a rare moment of self contemplation. Introspection into her personal life was a torturous journey down memory lane that allowed her the irony of hindsight. It gave her the chance to replay the mistakes she'd made over again and again and yet left her stuck within the different moments in time, unable to alter a single thing. Mac realised she had a tendency to go down the road least travelled. Along with this revelation came the fact that the road least taken was neither always the better choice nor worse. There were no distinct success formulas. Life was indeed like a box of chocolates, yet her box tended to be more bitter than sweet.  
  
Mac heaved a heavy sigh and sank down even further beneath the bubbles. She'd left work early for once in preparation for tonight. The SecNav himself had personally _requested_ for her assistance with the State's latest case. More like the latest top secret escapade with a certain Agent Webb, she thought wryly. Nothing ever remains dull or straightforward when even the slightest mention of Webb is involved.  
  
Her mind drifted back through time and inevitably took her back to thoughts of Harm. Always Harm. _'…As long as it takes.'_ How much longer did she have to wait? She was now at that central age, smack bang in the middle between her 30s and 40s. It was a time which her heart felt fit for some melancholic nostalgia. Also more importantly, her mind felt it was of paramount importance to bombard itself with countless incessant questions about her future.  
  


_Keep acting like you own me  
I keep running, watch me walking out that door  
I hear you behind me_

Leaving with Dalton had been one of the many in the long line of mistakes Mac had made. But at the time, she'd foolishly believed Lowell, Hanson, and Lowne was a step in the right direction both professionally and personally. Mac pushed away the suspicious thoughts which suggested that she'd just been settling for second best. Ironic, as history would repeat itself.  
  
Mac thanked her lucky stars that the Admiral had allowed her to go back to JAG. Although, it had been no stroll in the park to gain back his trust. Leaving had caused a major upheaval in her life. A life that had for the first time, been in the process of stabilizing. Before starting at JAG she'd had no direction or purpose in life. Essentially, she had been just another lost soul trying to escape her past. Never before had she felt a sense of belonging emotionally or physically. Or perhaps all credit could go to the various people she'd met, made friends with and eventually become her surrogate family. The Admiral, Bud, Harriet and Harm…  
  


_Gimme that strange relationship  
Never felt pleasure and pain like this  
Something so right but feels so terribly wrong  
I keep holding on_

…Harm, just thinking about the arrogant Flyboy brought about so many emotions. From the whole spectrum of extreme happiness to sorrow, and everything in between. The year after her return had been the calm before the storm. Sure, there had still been quite a few tough bumps on the road but nothing had compared to the impact of Harm's sudden announcement.  
  


_Gimme that strange relationship  
One of us gotta let go of this  
I keep pushing and you keep holding on  
I'm already gone_

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
** Harm: "I submitted my request to Admiral Chegwidden today to return to active flight status."  
Mac: "You can't do that."  
Harm: "Why not?"  
Mac: "Because it would mean that flying is more important to you than JAG, it's more important to you than Jordan, it's more important to you...than everything."  
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
** The prospect of Harm leaving her had brought her so close to blurting out the truth. The truth about the depth of her feelings for him even then. But she'd held back. The fear of losing his friendship more compelling than any wistful dreams she had, even as powerful as the dreams were.  
  


_Do you love me?  
We break up and back together  
And I swear to myself never  
But oh how you do me  
You strip me of my honour  
And I don't ever think I'm gonna  
Break free of these mind games  
All I'm tryin' to do is modify my plan  
Cause I can't contain you_

_Were?_ Shouldn't I be saying _are?_ Mac thought cynically. Her dreams are undeniably still filled with pictures of a tall man and a little boy, both gorgeous with dark brown hair and aqua-marine eyes. But will they forever remain fantasies or do dreams really come true? She didn't know what to believe in any more. She'd crashed and burned one time too many. Incongruously, her worst experience had taken place in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, Sydney, Australia.  
  
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
** Harm: "We were cruising on the Titanic that night huh?"  
Mac: "And you steered us away from the iceberg. Why'd you back away?" she asked in a hushed whisper, wanting to know desperately but dreading the answer.  
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
** He sure had diverted them away from the iceberg, but her heart had still sunk with the same weight as the ship and at an even faster speed, Mac thought with a touch of bitterness.  
  


_ Gimme that strange relationship  
One of us gotta let go of this  
I keep pushing and you keep holding on  
I'm already gone_

Well since Harm still couldn't let go, she had tried. For her own sakes, she'd tried to let Harm go and move on. But Mac knew now in hindsight, that the word 'desperation' had played a large part in her decision to accept Mic's ring. Hoping against hope that Harm would finally see how much she wanted no, _needed_ to move onto the next phase of her life. To have a family to love and share the rest of her life with.  
  
Mic Brumby had been so perfect but so wrong. The problem was, his unconditional love made her see her own selfishness. How could she have asked Mic to commit to her, when she'd known deep down inside she wouldn't be giving herself back wholeheartedly. So the Marine in her steeled her heart and she'd set herself an ultimatum. To give herself and Harm one last chance, she'd worn the ring first on the right hand as 'a friendship ring'. However, the months flew by and Harmon Rabb still had made no move to start a future which they would share together. Until the night of her engagement party.  
  
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
** Harm: "Why'd you have to go to him so fast?"  
Mac: "So fast?" She replied incredulously. "I've waited. And I've given it a lot of thought, probably more than I should have."  
Harm: "I know…only we had a deal. "  
**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
** Mac had reasoned if 6 years in a standstill relationship and months wearing another man's friendship/engagement ring had been his perception of 'fast,' then she couldn't wait any longer. And so she'd made the decision to move the ring to her left hand and became _finally_ officially engaged to Michael James Brumby. She had truly believed that in time she would have learned to love Mic.  
  


_Gimme that strange relationship  
Never felt pleasure and pain like this  
Something so right but feels so terribly wrong  
I keep holding on_

Then of course as was archetypal of her life, nothing ever turned out the way she'd planned. Everyone's world suddenly became a chaotic, surreal horror movie with the crash of Harm's F-14. Consequently, Mic had probably seen beyond her 'best-friend' friendship with Harm and left, returning to Australia. Mac had made a futile attempt to bring him back, but it had been more out of frantic guilt than love. Then of course, she'd turned to Harm.  
  
And like a fool she'd run back to him again, and again been rejected. The painful memory of Renee in the arms of Harm that night, would remain etched in her mind for a long time to come. Ouch, that had hurt. More than she cared to admit, even to herself. She winced, cursing herself at her own vulnerability.  
  
Mac consulted her internal clock, another 36 minutes and 47 seconds before Webb arrives. Better not dwell on any more thoughts of Harm or she'd be as infamously late as he is. Her lips curled up into a small smile. Just the reminder of Harm and the troubles he'd digged himself into with his tardiness lifted Mac out of her despondent mood.  
  


_You keep acting like  
you own me  
Like you control me  
You said you never really wanted me back  
Well maybe that's a fact  
May I suggest a brand new plan of attack  
And in defence of that  
You're hard to crack  
You're way off track  
I want you back  
I want you gone  
Maybe I'm sick of holding on_

**19:30 EST  
Function Room  
The White House  
Washington, D.C.  
  
** Mac regarded the man standing across from her, whom was talking to another man, both dressed in similar three-piece suits. Clayton Webb was…an entity unto his own. In some ways he actually shared a few parallel traits to Harm, Mac mused thoughtfully to herself. She snickered, yea most prominently the word 'arrogance' comes to mind. However, despite her first sceptical impression of him, she'd gradually seen past his condescending façade of indifference. Just like herself and Harm, Webb shielded his true self away from the world. It was a crucial necessity for protection and self preservation. _Deep_ down though, Mac knew the Tin-man did have a hidden heart. He was also a man of few words. Hell, the guy's vocabulary probably consisted solely of two phrases: 'on a need to know basis' and of course typical of a spy, 'it's classified'.  
  
Mac realised paradoxically, she actually trusted the Spook with her life. In their line of work, a type of trust to a certain level was essential for survival. She'd felt the bond strengthening over the years of working together on cases. Cases he had _roped_ her and Harm into, was the more accurate description. But Webb had never failed them before. Then the incident recently in Afghanistan whilst on a mission with him and Gunny had completed that bond.  
  
Mac had never told Harm about her little...fall out. After being held hostage with a knife to her throat by a terrorist, even her strong Marine façade had to take a break. Webb had just held her, quietly comforting for the few short minutes she'd allowed herself to shed some silent tears. Afterwards, she'd given him an appreciative but self-conscious hug and he'd not mentioned the incident since.  
  
"Mac, no eligible bachelors to dance with?" Webb quipped with a straight face. He walked to her side and handed her a new glass of non-alcoholic sparkling wine.  
  
"Nope, there just hasn't been a single, sexy enough eligible bachelor," she retorted.  
  
"Well we can't have my good tastes go to waste on the second perfect dress I picked out for you, can we?"  
  
To Mac's astonishment, Webb pulled her close and twirled her around the dance floor for a few quick spins. Before she could recover, he bowed and grinned. She saw his eyes twinkle mischievously. It was over so quickly and so uncharacteristic of Webb that Mac was momentarily at a loss for words. He then linked their arms together and escorted her out towards the terrace balcony. She cast him a glance, an eyebrow raised high in question. He made no comment, perched on the balcony and gave her an intense stare which she could not intrepret.  
  
"Did…" he started to say, and then she barely caught the whisper of "trust me" inches from her lips before his mouth descended on her own. Too shocked at first she didn't respond. Then the months spent in the nunnery took it's toll and her body reflexes kicked in on it's on accord. She responded with fervour that she would later feel embarrassed about for a long time to come. To say Webb was surprised when he felt Mac's hand entangle itself in his hair was an understatement. He instinctively encircled his arm around her waist and drew her close within his embrace. Then for the first time in his life, Clayton Webb's brain lost all function as he felt Mac's lips part.  
  
Endless seconds later, Webb felt the effects of his brain running out of the necessary oxygen to function. Reality flooded his brain and he broke off breathlessly. For a moment both stood frozen in place, gazing into each others eyes in a daze.  
  
"Come on" he whispered next to her ear, snapping back into full CIA agent mode and tugged urgently at her hands. "We've got to go. Someone's tipped them off. They're on the next flight out."  
  


_Do you love me?  
Or am I just another trip  
In this strange relationship  
  
_ **20:15 EST   
SECNAV Limo  
On Route to Dulles International Airport  
Washington, D.C.**

Mac sat with her eyes closed and head leaned back in the plush seat. Webb sat on the far side, no doubt lost in his own thoughts. Neither said a word, both giving the other time to gather their confused wits about them. There would be plenty of time for talk later on the plane.  
  
What had just transpired? Mac wondered in confusion. She'd suspected being a _Special Assistant_ to the Undersecretary of the State required Webb to be a smooth talker, but damn, his tongue was most definitely talented in other areas as well. She would've sworn she'd seen the stoic spy blush after their…kiss. Thinking back, she felt her own cheeks redden. _God Marine, you practically threw yourself at him. What the hell were you doing?_ This is _Webb_ for christs sake.  
  
_'I want a life that is simple, and good, a great career a good man and shoes, lots and lots of comfortable shoes.'  
  
_ That was all she'd ever wanted out of life. Her career at JAG was sailing along smoothly now and she knew there were even possibilities of charting into even better territory. She certainly had plenty of shoes if the size of her shoe closet was anything to go by. But the good man always remained elusive. She sighed, it felt like her life had just completed another phase of it's cycle and once again here she was arriving back at the crossroads.  
  
_'Every time I think I've put the pieces of my life back together somebody comes along and jumbles it back up.'  
  
_ Her own words to Harm years earlier came unwittingly back to her. She sighed. Damnit, why couldn't her life just be simple for once. Instead it was like a whirlwind, sweeping her along all over the place at once. They hadn't even had time to stop off at her apartment to pack a bag. Although she was sure the CIA or SecNav's budget would survive providing her basic needs. She hadn't even updated her CO about the latest turnaround yet. The Admirals going to be furious, she thought and groaned audibly.  
  
With a start Mac realised the limo had rolled to a stop. Glancing over at Webb, she saw him watching her and she quickly looked away. Mac felt her heart flutter for a second at an irregular beat. Oh god, what was happening to her? _Webb?!_ Suck it up Marine. She took a deep inconspicuous breath and opened the door. This is going to be another one hell of a case so leave your warped emotions alone and concentrate.  
  


_Gimme that strange relationship  
One of us gotta let go of this  
I keep pushing and you keep holding on  
I'm already gone_


	3. I Miss You

Title: Part 3 | I Miss You 

Author: Masumi

Email: masumi_marine@hotmail.com

Classification: Harm/Mac/Webb 

Rating: PG-13 

Disclaimer: JAG belongs to DPB and CBS. No infringement intended. All songs belong to Darren Hayes and can be found on his (fantastic!) album SPIN. 

Author's Note: This is the next instalment after 'Strange Relationship'. All stories can be found at: http://www.geocities.com/masumi_marine/ 

About the story...My main inspirations come from music and that in particular from one very talented Mr Darren Hayes. The story titles come from the names of the songs from his CD. 

Any suggestions, comments, constructive criticism welcome 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Thursday  
21:50 EST  
Outside Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment  
The Washington  
Georgetown  
  
**

Harm's SUV screeched to a stop outside Mac's apartment in record time. The drive over had not been of any help to pacify his inner turmoil. Instead the need for speed had re-lit the fuse and sparked off his raging emotions once again. Turning off the engine, he tried to regain some semblance of composure. His infamous ability to hold onto control was rapidly spinning out from the within the grasp of his hands. Harm couldn't figure out whether he felt more anger or hurt towards Mac. 

Taking a deep breath he turned towards her window in contemplation. No light was on. Damn it, she wasn't even back yet. He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel impatiently, feeling so restless and desperately needing to see her. Not knowing what else to do but wait, he propped his head back on the headrest and closed his eyes tight, trying once again to shut out the darkness of the night. 

_Give me a reason  
Why I'm feeling so blue  
Everytime I close my eyes  
All I see is you  
Give me a reason  
Why I can't feel my heart  
Everytime you leave my side I just fall apart  
And when you're fast asleep  
I wonder where you go  
Can you tell me  
I wanna know  
  
_

Harm's eyes shot wide open, the sound of a loud engine gunning past awaking him. He had fallen into a light but troubled doze. The green illuminating numbers of the clock on his dashboard now flashed 10: 57. _Where is she? Oh god, please don't let her be spending the night with Webb_, he prayed vehemently. Physically his body ached from having been cramped up in the car for so long and mentally he now just felt a sense of worn-out numbness. Unable to wait any longer, he took one last long look at her dark windows and started the engines dejectedly heading for home. 

**Friday  
08:33 EST  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
  
**

Harm rushed out the elevators feeling like his 6'4" frame had gained double it's original weight overnight. His arms and legs felt like concrete slabs that had been plastered onto his body. Whilst his head pulsated to the rhythm of a whole marching band contained within. After arriving home last night, try as he might, he could not escape easily into the oblivious realms of sleep. He'd finally fallen asleep hours later out of sheer exhaustion. Now he was of course late as usual. 

Heading straight for Mac's office, his brows furrowed into a deep frown when he found it empty. He didn't know she had court this morning. _Yea, what else don't I know about?_ He wondered sourly. Going back to his own office, he prepared to shut himself away until he could see her. 

Harm had scarcely sunk down into his chair when Tiner knocked on the door. 

"Morning Sir, the Admiral would like to see you." 

Harm gave a curt nod and suppressed a groan. His mind was screaming for some peace and solitude and the chance to sort himself out before having to face reality. 

**08:40 EST  
Admiral Chegwidden's office  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
  
**

Admiral Chegwidden sat silently, scrutinizing the officer standing at attention before him. _Perhaps he knew already?_ That might explain his unusually dishevelled state. Commander Harmon Rabb Jr was the epitome of the perfect naval officer. And in all the years under his command the Admiral had rarely seen the Commander look as he did now. 

"At ease Commander, take a seat." 

"Thank you Sir." AJ frowned; only through perceptive instinct did he pick up the subtle signs that there was unquestionably something amiss. Even his voice sounded slightly raw and emotional - definitely uncharacteristic of Rabb. Hiding his increasing concern, AJ handed over a relatively thick file. 

Wanting to test the waters first, he started his briefing with no mention of his main purpose for calling Rabb in. About ten minutes later it was time to face the music. 

"I know this is a pretty heavy case I've just given you, but with the Colonel away be prepared to take on an extra workload." 

At this, Rabb's eyes shot up connecting with those of his CO in startled bewilderment. 

"Away Sir? Is Colonel Mackenzie not in court?" 

Trying to appear indifferent, AJ replied, "No, she's been summoned by the SecNav to help out on a CIA case." 

"Webb." It was more a statement than question. 

"Yes, is there a problem Commander?"   
  
"No, Sir. May I ask what the mission involves?"  
  
"Unfortunately, due to the highly sensitive nature of this particular assignment no details can be given."  
  
Harm's eyes narrowed in suspicion then dawned in comprehension. "Even you don't know Sir?!" he exclaimed in disbelief.  
  
The Admiral sighed in disgust, façade over, taking off his glasses and rubbing his temples. "No Rabb, I don't."  
  
Harm started to panic. When even the Admiral wasn't briefed on the details of a mission, it meant it was classified of the highest nature. Subsequently, this meant danger with a capital D. Warning bells went off and added to Harm's already chaotic brain activities.  
  
"I'm calling Webb," he stated.  
  
"You will do no such thing Commander! There is no need for you to cause any more unnecessary trouble."  
  
"But Sir! With all due respect I need…"  
  
"Commander Rabb, you are bordering on insubordination!" the Admiral bellowed.  
  
Instantly Harm stood and stiffened to attention, staring at a point out the window. "Sorry Sir."  
  
AJ's demeanour softened and he lowered his voice. "Harm, when I find out more you'd be the first to know."  
  
"Thank you, Admiral."  
  
"Dismissed."  
  
_Because I miss you  
And this is all I wanna say  
I guess I miss you beautiful  
These three words have said it all  
You know I miss you  
I think about you when you're gone  
I guess I miss you  
Nothings wrong  
I don't mean to carry on  
  
_ ****

12 Days Later

Wednesday   
13:15 EST  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
  


Harm leaned with his backside against the bench in the break room, appearing deceptively calm. In reality, his hands grasped a steaming mug of coffee tightly, like the rest of his body, he was tense and ready to pounce. His gaze unwavering from the Admiral's door, which was in his direct line of sight. As the days had gone by there was still no word of Mac. The Admiral had simply issued a general announcement that Colonel Mackenzie would be away on a classified case for an unknown amount of time. Unsatisfied, Harm had given into temptation and called Webb. Of course he should have known he would be given the run around. There had been no answer or reply to any of his messages. Then two days ago he'd been discreetly informed by Harriet that whilst he was in court, Webb himself had the audacity to come in to see the Admiral, then left without a word to Harm. 

Fortunately, there were many others who also treasured the Colonel's friendship and the bonds between the officers ran deep. The Admiral's yeoman, Tiner had inconspicuously let slip to Harm earlier that Webb would be paying the Admiral another visit today.  
  
Seeing the spy himself now exiting, Harm set down the untouched coffee and folded his arms across his chest.  
  
"Agent Webb," Harm cornered him at the elevators with a cold greeting.  
  
To his chagrin, Clayton Webb was startled to find himself facing one livid looking Commander. If he wasn't so well aware of the real harmful potential of the situation he was in, Clay would be smirking at his mental picture of Harm with two horns and smoke billowing out his nostrils. _Damn, I've just dealt with one pissed off two-star now the inevitable worse has come._  
  
"Harm," he replied neutrally. Clay had long learnt by now it was better for his own well-being not to add oil to the fire. Especially if the source of the scolding fire was emanating from Harmon Rabb.  
  
There was only silence as Harm sent him a reproachful and intense glare.  
  
"I want to know where she is and what the hell you've got her doing for you now," Harm said quietly with an underlining deadly tone.  
  
"That would defeat the purpose of undercover Rabb" Webb couldn't help but reply sarcastically. Then he caught the flicker of surprise in Harm's eyes and cursed himself inwardly. _Shit, obviously the Admiral hasn't even told Rabb that little piece of detail._  
  
So she was working undercover, increasing the danger level to new heights. Harm clenched his jaw in frustration and anger. He'd had just about enough of Webb's secrecy.  
  
"Look, I can't tell you any than what I've already told the Admiral. Mac's fine and we have no idea how much long it's going to take." With that, Clay decided against waiting for the elevators and slipped through the doors of the fire escape to take the flight of stairs to safety.  
  
_Give me a reason  
Why I can't concentrate  
My world is turning upside down  
Spinning round and round  
Now give me a reason  
Why I now understand  
The beauty and simplicity of everything  
Surrounding me  
You've got a way of spreading magic everywhere  
Anywhere I go  
I know you're always there  
It sounds ridiculous but when you leave a room  
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too   
  
_ The staff working in the bullpen hardly flinched at the loud slam of Commander Rabb's door. After all, everyone had gotten used to it by now. The slamming of his door had become as common an occurrence as their daily gossip breaks.  
  
**13:30 EST  
Cmdr Harmon Rabb's office  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
  
** Harm paced around the small confines of his office, trying to work off his anger. The blinds didn't need to be closed from the prying eyes of the bullpen, as they were already done so. It had taken all of Harm's self control to restrain himself from following Webb and getting the information he wanted in other more productive ways. As the days had passed by, any of his anger towards Mac had soon dissipated to become worry, but his resentment of Webb had reached a boiling point.  
  
Rationally, Harm understood being a marine actually meant Mac could protect herself ten times better than the average man, but still it did not quell his fears. Unconsciously, he'd always felt an irrational sense to always protect and shield her from any of the harshness of the world. Mac had gone on various cases before alone and not only survived but conquered any imminent threats of danger. But those times that she'd been unaccompanied had never been of Harm's approval. Not that she needed his endorsement and Mac would surely kick his six if she ever knew of his thoughts. Nevertheless, just as she'd always been there for him, Harm also wanted to ensure her safety and welfare especially when there were risks of putting her life in jeopardy.  
  
However, this time Harm knew it wasn't just his usual protectiveness going into overdrive. Mac getting pulled out on a CIA assignment had happened at the most impromptu time for him. Not only was he anxious to see her and sort out his emotional jumble, but he also had a very perturbing sixth sense about this latest mission. No mission was ever simple or safe, but whatever it was that Mac was doing now had to be extreme, if even the Admiral was being kept in the dark.  
  
Sitting down, Harm attempted to reduce the large pile of work that was waiting to be done. It was no use. No more than reading three sentences later and his mind wandered. Throwing down his pen in irritation, he swivelled his chair around and stared out the window. Immediately his thoughts were lost among the stretch of blue sky.  
  
Bud's loss of his leg from stepping on a land mine had made all the difference to Harm's perceptions. The consequent weeks following the incident had been a true testimony of faith not only for Bud, but also his family and friends. To say it hadn't been easy for anyone would be the understatement of the year. Harm had found himself analysing his own life more closely than he'd ever done before. He suspected many of his friends had gone through the same process. His biggest acknowledgement was of the reality of how vulnerable they all were. He knew being in the military, flying fighter planes and even in their line of work as Jag lawyers, facing danger was something that was just another given fact in their lives. The anticipation or fear had to be dealt with accordingly when the need surfaced. Having cheated death himself so many times before, to Harm it was like a part of second nature. Always around the corner, one stumbling block to get around after the other. However, all those times he'd escaped the clutches of fatality, there had never been any serious repercussions. Even with his most recent swim in the Atlantic, he'd bounced back to pretty much his old self with the few minimal injuries. But now it struck too close to home and he realised fully the meaning behind the cliché, life is too short. In just one short moment in time, anyone's world could come crashing down and then it might be too late. Too late for so many things. Too late to tell Mac how much he loved her... too late to spend the rest of his life with her. The pessimistic possibilities hit him hard and his thoughts were pulled back to the present with a rush of fear that physically coursed through his body.  
  
_It's such a hard life and most of the time  
I'm just surviving  
That's why I want you to know  
In a world where sincerity has lost it's meaning  
You fill my world with so much hope  
  
_ **Friday  
Aboard A Commercial Aircraft  
  
** Mac reclined in her first class seat, sipping on a glass of water and staring out into the mass of brilliant blue sky and fluffy white clouds. She kept an ear on the foreign chattering of those around her. Occasionally picking out sentences here and there, which she would systematically scan through her mind for anything suspicious.  
  
It had been a gruelling fifteen days and now here she was on a chase to another country. But then she smiled gratefully, thinking back to her conversation two hours ago with Webb.  
  
_"Mac you better take a stopover flight to DC. Then your plane departs the next morning at 6am._ Please _reassure that partner of yours before he tears out what's left of my guts."  
  
_ **16:40 EST  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
  
** Lt. Harriet Sims was on her way back from the library when she caught sight of Colonel Mackenzie in civvies, waiting for the elevator.  
  
"Ma'am! It's so good to have you back," she exclaimed happily with a big smile on her face.  
  
Mac smiled widely in greeting and then rolled her eyes. "Unfortunately, not for long though Harriet. I only just dropped in to update the Admiral then I've got another plane to catch." Harriet's lips slowly turned down in disappointment.  
  
"Will you be back soon? It sure has been tough around here with you gone."  
  
Mac gave a small sigh in sympathy. "With Webb's missions you never know. Say hi to Bud and little AJ for me will you?"   
  
"Sure ma'am, but could you drop by and see Commander Rabb before you leave again? The Admiral ordered him home early."  
  
"What's wrong with Harm?" Mac asked in concern.  
  
Harriet floundered for an appropriate reply. "Ahh…the Commanders' has been very preoccupied since you left and well, permission to speak freely ma'am?"  
  
"Of course Harriet" Mac said. Just then the elevator arrived and she reached out to hold the doors.  
  
"The Commander's had a permanent scowl on his face for the past two weeks since you've been gone and basically been a pain in everyone's six," Harriet rushed out.  
  
Mac laughed, "Don't worry Harriet I'll go pay him a visit tonight and give him a good dose of marine reprimand and straighten him out. He's probably just sulking because of the extra work. I've got to run now, see you Harriet."  
  
As the doors slid shut, Mac just caught Harriet's words from her retreating back. "Personally, I think he just misses you badly ma'am."  
  
_And I miss you  
This is all I wanna say  
I guess I miss you beautiful  
These three words have said it all  
You know I miss you  
I think about you when you're gone  
I guess I miss you  
Nothings wrong  
I don't mean to carry on  
  
_ **20:45 EST  
Harm's Apartment  
North of Union Station  
Washington, DC  
  
** Mac frowned in unease as she knocked again for the third time. Why wasn't he answering his door or his phone for that matter? Taking out the spare key he'd given her years earlier, she let herself in. Scanning around his apartment she noted in surprise it's untidy condition. Open files lay scattered around on his coffee table along with three opened, crushed beer cans. Scrunched up balls of paper were thrown all over the floor and each of his shoes seemed to have been tossed off in opposite directions.  
  
"Harm?" she called, taking the stairs leading up to his room. She sighed in relief when she saw his large sprawled out form on the bed asleep. Walking softly up to stand next to him she gasped at the sight of him. He hadn't even bothered to undress properly before going to bed, with his shirt still on and only half unbuttoned. But it was his face that caught her concern. He'd obviously not shaven for a few days and even with his eyes closed in sleep, his face looked tired and tense. Furthermore, even in the dimness of the moonlight through the window, she could make out the dark circles under his eyes. Laying the back of her hand on his forehead, she felt for any signs of illness. He was cheeks were a bit flushed but there was no fever.  
  
"Mac" he mumbled, groggily blinking his eyes slowly open.  
  
"Mac!" Harm sat up abruptly realising her appearance wasn't just another dream.  
  
"Hey sailor, you look like hell," she couldn't help tease. Then she saw his eyes and her worry deepened. "Harm, are you ok? Your eyes are all bloodshot."  
  
He smiled tiredly and rubbed his eyes. "I just haven't been able to sleep well lately. Mac where've you been? Is the mission over? How'd it go?"  
  
Not wanting to talk about it and unable to reveal the details either, she dismissed his questions. Leaning down slightly, she pushed him gently to lie back down in bed. "Harm you need to get some more sleep. We can catch up later. I've got to get back home soon anyway. First I'd better help clean up the mess you've made." Straightening back up and turning to go, his arm reached out from beneath the blanket and caught her hand.  
  
"Mac?" his eyes implored her to understand without the necessary words that he wanted her to stay.  
  
"Yea?" Still holding onto her hand and keeping his eyes locked with hers, Harm shifted over and made space for her. Mac tried not to look too startled as she perched on the edge of his bed.  
  
With Mac's comforting presence close by, Harm instinctively relaxed and his eyes reluctantly closed with fatigue. His breathing soon evened out and thinking he'd fallen asleep, Mac smiled softly down at him and couldn't resist running a hand tenderly through his hair. It was so good to be able to see him again even for a short while.  
  
"Ai shi te ru Flyboy," she whispered. And with her strange words floating through his head like a lullaby, Harm finally fell into a much needed, deep sleep.  
  
_……….ai shi te ru………ai shi te ru……….ai shi te ru………..  
  
_ ****

The Next Morning 

10:20 EST  
Harm's Apartment  
North of Union Station  
Washington, DC  
  
Harm awoke with the most contented feeling he had in a while. Mac's surprise visit from last night flashed through his mind and he bounded off the bed.  
  
"Mac?" he called hoping she'd still be there. Damn, she'd already left. His apartment was now spotless. She'd tidied up the mess he'd made and his files lay stacked in a neat pile next to his laptop. Yawning still sleepily and raising his arms in the air stretching, Harm went to see what there was to make of breakfast. The sooner he could get himself together into a decent state, the sooner he'd be able to go see her. He noticed immediately the note propped up on his kitchen bench.  
  
Harm,  
  
Forgot to mention last night, I'm not back in DC for long. Got a mission to complete. Leave it up to the marines to do all the work around here. Sorry, can't give you any more details. You should know Webb's slogan well by now: "IT'S CLASSIFIED". Look after yourself Flyboy and stop giving others hell especially poor Harriet, you know she doesn't need any more crap. Hopefully be back soon.  
  
Mac  
  
Harm grinned slightly with guilt whilst reading her scolding words. Then sighing in disappointment, he dropped down onto the sofa warily. He hadn't even been able to find out where she'd been or where she was headed.  
  
Luckily it was a Saturday, otherwise he'd be right in the midst of another chewing out by the Admiral for being late. He'd been getting even more of those lately than usual. _So what else is new?_ With no plans for the weekend he might as well hit the showers and then crawl back into bed.  
  
_You know I miss you  
And this is all I wanna say  
I guess I miss you beautiful  
These three words have said it all  
  
_ **14:10 EST  
Harm's Apartment  
North of Union Station  
Washington, DC  
  
** It wasn't until he had awoken again later on in the afternoon, did Harm remember Mac's strange words. Picking up the phone he dialed the Roberts residence.  
  
"Hello"  
  
"Bud, it's Harm. How's your weekend going?"  
  
"I'm good Sir. We took AJ to the zoo yesterday," Bud said enthusiastically.  
  
"Ahh…good, teaching my godson about the wonders of nature I see. Listen Bud, could you do some research for me?"  
  
"Of course Sir"  
  
"It's just a phrase I heard that I need to know the meaning of. Err…I set roo? I see loo? It's in some foreign language. I know it's a bit of a wild shot but see what you can find."  
  
"No problem Commander, I'll see what I can do."  
  
"Thanks Bud, I'll call you back later."  
  
**18:45 EST  
Harm's Apartment  
North of Union Station  
Washington, DC  
  
** Harm had just taken a shower after going for a long run. Mac's visit, albeit short had done wonders for his mood. He felt more refreshed and at ease. At least he was reassured for the time being to know she was still safe and sound. Eager to find out what it was she'd said that night, he called Bud back.  
  
"Hey Bud, did you come up with anything?"  
  
"Nothing from what you told me specifically sir, but I did find the most common results for a particularly similar phrase. It's used a lot for song titles and lyrics sir."  
  
"What's it mean Bud?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
"Excuse me?!" Harm exclaimed.  
  
On the other side of the line, Bud instantly became a bumbling fluster. His face flashed red and he swiftly tried to clarify. "No, no Sir! _I_ don't love you, I…I mean no offence Sir you're a good friend, but…what I mean is…"  
  
"Bud! It's ok just slow down and explain," Harm replied with a touch of exasperation although he had to grin. Good o' Bud, still the same as ever.  
  
"Yes Sir." He took a deep breath, "Ai shi te ru is the Japanese phrase meaning 'I love you'."  
  
Harm's jaw dropped open and then gasping in air too quickly, he almost choked on his own breath.  
  
"Commander Rabb are you alright, Sir? SIR?!"  
  
"Yea…than…thanks Bud," he managed to splutter. "I'll talk to you later."  
  
Harm's first immediate thoughts were, _YES! Oh my god, she loves me!_ Then, _NO! That's impossible. Get a grip Rabb, you don't even know for sure if that's what she said. For god's sake you're basing your assumptions on the closest match results Bud could find on the internet. But still…maybe…but why in Japanese?_  
  
Groaning loudly, Harm pushed away the escalating speculations of his mind and prepared for dinner.  
  
_You know I miss you  
And this is all I wanna do  
I know it doesn't sound too cool  
But maybe I'm in love with you  
  
_ **Monday  
07:16 EST  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
  
** Harm sauntered through the bullpen, gracing an air of smug, cheerful confidence that had most recently been on vacation. Harriet saw the change or return of the normal Commander Rabb and beamed. It would be the start of a better week.  
  
Harm hadn't felt so light-hearted in a long time. On Sunday he'd spent the time in 'Sarah' flying, letting his mind and body go free in the air. He had done so much thinking lately, but he knew what he had to do now. Show Mac how much he loved her. The thoughts and memories of Mac had somehow integrated into every part of his life. He simply couldn't see a future without her.  
  
Harm held onto hope that she did still feel the same way. He dismissed the scene he'd witness of Mac and Webb, hoping there was some logical explanation. He refused to believe otherwise. Harm knew he still didn't have the guts to completely let of all his fears and tell her straight out his true feelings. So as an alternative he planned to start off from the bottom rung of the ladder and work his way up. When she comes back, he'd just show her in plenty of little ways how much she meant to him first. Hopefully, he would still have his chance to make his dreams come true. He vowed to himself that he would not surpass the opportunity again.  
  
_Please Mac come back to me. I promise I'll be here for you this time. This time, and for all the rest of our time.  
  
_ _ You know I miss you  
And this is all I wanna say  
I guess I miss you  
Nothings wrong  
I don't mean to carry on  
I just miss you  
Yeah  
It's true  
I miss you baby  
And when you're walking out the door  
I know I miss you  
You make me wanna ask for more  
I just miss you  
  
Yeah  
It's true  
I miss you baby  
_


	4. When You Say You Love Me

Title: Part 4 | When You Say You Love Me   
  
Author: Masumi  
  
Email: masumi_marine@hotmail.com  
  
Classification: Harm/Mac/Webb  
  
Rating: PG-13, some language   
  
Disclaimer: JAG belongs to DPB and CBS. No infringement intended. All songs belong to Darren Hayes and can be found on his (fantastic!) album SPIN.  
  
All stories can be found at: http://www.geocities.com/masumi_marine/   
  
Any suggestions, comments, constructive criticism welcome  
  
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**08:25 EST****  
Wednesday**

**JAG Headquarters  
****Falls Church****, ****VA******

Wednesday morning found Tiner jumping hastily to his feet and snapping to attention as the Admiral suddenly breezed past towards his office without warning. 

"Good Morning Admiral!" Tiner exclaimed. There was no greeting in reply, not even a nod of acknowledgement. 

Typically, just before his sturdy oak door swung shut, the Admiral's most popular request shot out.

"Tiner, Rabb ASAP."

JAG's yeoman consulted his mental chart, which he'd personally compiled over the years measuring the Admiral's moods. Right now on the Tiner scale it was not rating too high for a good day.

**08:27 EST  
Admiral Chegwidden's Office  
  
**

AJ stood in front of his large left-hand side office window, staring out with unseen eyes. His jaw was set resolutely, lips firmly pursed and his whole body tense after a restless night. He'd been debating over a particular dilemma with himself for the past two days now. After dissecting the issue to its very core with methodical precision, he'd finally been able to come to a decision. The repercussions could be high; going against SecNav's orders however indirectly, was literally assigning himself brig time. But above all else, Admiral Chegwidden valued his officers, if not admitted ably more so for this valiant Lt. Colonel in particular. Hearing the sharp knock brought him back to the present and he called out permission to enter. Turning around with his arms still folded across his chest, AJ remained silently seizing up one half of his senior attorneys.  

Commander Rabb's eyes flickered to gauge the expression on his CO's face then quickly darted past to its usual staring point on the wall behind. Not yet given any commands, his stance remained stiffly awaiting at attention. On the outside, he projected his usual calm, self confident aura, neutral face in place, whilst inside his mind scrambled to recollect any recent incidents that might have resulted in this present scrutiny.

"At ease Commander" the Admiral eventually motioned for Harm to take a seat and sat down himself, leaning across the desk hands clasped together.

"As you are well aware Colonel MacKenzie is currently on assignment with the CIA…" AJ paused, seeing Rabb's immediate reaction to the mere mention of the Colonel's name.

Harm's eyes widened and he unconsciously leaned forward in his seat in anticipation. 

"Against my better judgement I'm going to send you down there," AJ continued.

"Sir?" Harm inquired, trying albeit unsuccessfully to contain traces of his impending excitement.

"Japan"

If it was physically possible for Harm's eyes to boggle out of their sockets it would do so now, as soon as his brain cells had slowly made the association. Japan…and in Japan they speak…Japanese and Mac had said in Japanese…!!! For the first time in naval history, it was witness to one of its finest high-ranking commanders' loosing his head to soar off beyond the universe whilst on duty. Figuratively speaking of course. For once, Harm's mind had rocketed off happily into the clouds whilst being bodily grounded. 

Irrespective of where he was and who was sitting in front of him, Harm was lost in speculations on all the potential possibilities that this latest revelation entailed. Ok, so he wasn't a hundred percent positive that Mac had actually said _'I love you,_' but like all good lawyers he knew the significance of even the most marginal possibilities. There was a good chance...the largest grin spread out across his face.

Admiral Chegwidden narrowed his eyes in suspicion and peered over the top of his reading glasses. After waiting a few beats he continued, choosing to disregard his subordinate's odd behaviour for the moment.

"Here's all the info we've got," he said, extending over what was a pathetically ultra thin file for such an important case. He watched as Rabb's eyes blink twice in quick succession, then once again as if to clear his vision.

"A few select members high up within the Japanese government body are suspected of illegal dealings linked to international terrorism. All that Webb's informed me, is a night club where the negotiations allegedly take place. You'll need to catch up on what else Webb and Colonel MacKenzie have, and then rest is up to the three of you. You're on your own this time Rabb. These suspicions are so sensitive in the state of affairs that the SecNav has only assigned Webb and MacKenzie to investigate…and now you." AJ didn't disclose the fact that he was sending Rabb without the SecNav's knowledge let along permission. 

"I've personally arranged for a commercial flight plus a room in a hotel situated mid city for you. The address is written in there. You leave in two days time, until then you have the next forty-eight hours off to prepare. Of course I don't need to remind you, due to the upmost confidential nature of this case, no-one else is to know where you're headed."

"Do we know how long this investigation may pan out Sir?" Harm spoke for the first time since returning to the situation at hand. 

The Admiral gave a small shake of his head, "No deadline's been given by the SecNav." His shoulders hunched over a little and rubbing his temples, he expelled a troubled sigh. "I suggest you do as much research as you can before departing. Pack the minimal and don't take anything personally identifiable. Be on the highest alert, we really don't know the full extent of what we could be dealing with here." There was no need to stress the prospective danger involved if their real identities were simply to be discovered.

"Yes Sir," after a lengthy silence when nothing furthermore was offered from his commanding officer, Harm stood. 

"That'll be all, dismissed." 

As if on second thoughts, the Admiral called out just before Harm stepped through the door, "Harm, don't make me regret this, watch each others six and be extra careful out there."

There was a solemn nod of the head and a staunch "aye aye sir" before the door was swiftly closed. 

AJ leaned back heavily in his chair, pondering the wiseness of his decision. Yes, it was always better for MacKenzie and Rabb to work together, rather than apart in any risky circumstance. They could take care of each other and deal with any situations better than a whole squad team. Remembering Harm's reaction, he was seriously at a loss at the sudden transformation that had just occurred. What the hell had gotten into him? One minute Rabb had been his usual serious, poker-faced self, then the next…it was as if he'd inhaled deep breaths of helium and suddenly gone off on a high to some unknown destination. A suspicion floated across the perceptive ex-Seal's mind. _If Rabb just had the **audacity,** to have his head in the gutter over a marine right in front of my face, I swear I'll have his ass diced and skewered on a spit roast!_

**17:05**** Local Time**

**Friday**

**Room 101, Tokyo Prince Hotel**

**Tokyo******

**Japan**

Harm smiled at the young bell-boy and handed over a few yen notes for a generous tip. Taking the money in a shy manner, he bowed low for what seemed like the hundredth time and finally left Harm alone. Not that he wasn't a gentleman, but these Japanese locals took the meaning of politeness to a whole other level. He'd only been here for less than two hours and already he'd caught on to the gist of things. There were people bowing continuously left right and centre, whether it was to say hello, goodbye or excuse me. It was quite disconcerting to say the least. 

Taking a quick tour around his suite, Harm whistled low in appreciation. Why the Admiral had booked such a high class room for him, he had no idea but he certainly wasn't complaining. He didn't bother unpacking, having brought only the mere essentials all together in a total of two small meagre bags, one being his laptop. Despite this, getting through customs had taken quite some time with the tight security. Hailing a taxi had been relatively easy and checking in had been no problems either with the concierge's limited english. 

Taking out the small reference booklet he'd purchased yesterday, Harm settled on the bed to make a quick revision of the necessary directions. He was relying solely on a good memory and pot luck to get him to where he needed to be. It had been a real bummer not being able to acquire Bud's research services. He'd spent the last two days intently going over the details of the case and trying to learn the fundamentals of the city he now found himself in. He was bordering on desperation in his wait to see Mac again. Glancing at his watch, Harm decided to take a short break to shake off the jet lag before he would head out and attempt to find his way.  

**17:23**

**Room 405, Shakura Hotel**

**Tokyo******

Mac threw the third piece of clothing she'd picked out of her 'selection' onto the bed in disgust. If it wasn't for the SecNav's direct involvement, she would've strangled Webb for this humiliation. Even during her wildest times as a teenager she'd never worn things this…revealing, bold and in your face. At least her hotel room was above decent. These types of rooms' right in the heart of the country's capital city costed a fortune. Although she suspected, it wasn't for her personally as the JAG officer but rather for the persona she'd become. Flopping down onto the bed, she laid back to make another updated run through of the progress, or lack of, that she and Webb had made since their arrival.

She was under no illusions as to how dangerous this mission really was. In a ground-breaking first, Webb had been honest and to the point in his briefing. No doubt though, it was only because he truly didn't know much else to be able to conceal any details, Mac thought mockingly. In spite of her basic knowledge of the language there was only Webb for backup, and when that failed it was all up to her to save her own butt and what was left of Webb's if it came to that. Right before boarding the plane, he'd had given her an unexpected opportunity to backout. But like everything she'd dealt with in her life, she going to tackle head on unwilling to give an inch. After all, she was a marine trained to serve and protect her country, personal safety notwithstanding the sacrifices to be made.

Mac knew this assignment would rank right up at the top of all the most precarious cases she'd undertaken.  It was a game of seduction, intrigue and innocence. Basically, she was playing the role of the Japanese equivalent of the stereotypical dumb blonde. Webb had gotten her working at the night club that was regularly visited by the various officials suspected of treason. The CIA had first picked up on suspicious activities almost two months ago. About four members of the Japanese parliament were suspected of dealing with their own triads, exchanging weapons for highly classified information. Although the Japanese Prime Minister had shown public displays of support for the US in the war against terrorism, they could not afford to take any more chances. And so here she was now, apparently the best operative the United States of America had to carry out the job.

To the men who hung out and conducted business at the night club, Mac was just another pretty face. Beautiful and harmless for their entertainment, but clueless with just enough communication skills to satisfy the powerfully rich men involved. No, this wasn't just some seedy night club; she was getting paid way too much for such a place. So far, she'd only heard talk of a deal in progress, but any action had yet to take place.

Rolling over Mac buried her face in the pillow, reluctant to face another night of leers and groping hands. 

**18:05**

**Downtown Shibuya**

**Tokyo******

Harm sat approximately two metres from the night club in question. He could see the word 'Vuenos' emblazoned in neon green amidst the smorgasbordic blend of foreign characters. The whole city was enveloped in a clutter of colourful signs advertising everything and anything, anywhere he looked. Thank god the club was named in English, otherwise he didn't know how in the world he would've been able to find the place. Upon first discovering the venue, he'd gone in to give it a thorough scout out. There had been no more than a dozen patrons, but in the half hour since, it was really starting to fill up. There'd also been no Mac or Webb. He knew he couldn't risk jeopardising their covers by simply strolling up and saying hi, without knowing whether or not right at this very moment, if they were under surveillance themselves. 

He'd been sitting here as inconspicuously as possible for about twenty minutes, keeping watch and waiting in hope of spotting one of two familiar faces. From his vintage point to the right, he could see clearly anyone who entered or left the entrance of the club. To his left on the opposite side, was an enclosed parkland of some sort. It was an extremely hectic area with countless shops adorning both sides of the street. There was also an incredible steady stream of people bustling rapidly about to and fro in all directions. Despite being a large 6'4" foreigner, no-one paid him much attention. 

_I've been watching you from afar  
And the way you make your way around the bar  
You laugh like you're really entertained  
And you smile like it's your favourite game  
  
_

**Same Time**__

**Downtown Shibuya**

**Tokyo******

Mac took a furtive glance up and down the alley before turning into the park. It was a strange atmosphere, almost like stepping into a twilight zone. Here, there was an uncanny tranquillity. The wide stretch of grassland mostly deserted saved for a few stragglers enjoying the last of the fading sunset. In contrast, she could hear the dimmed noisiness of the lively city on the other side of the hedged walls. Webb sat on a bench beneath a lamp-post, partly concealed within the darkness. As she approached, she heard his phone ring.

"Sexy beast," Webb answered brusquely. 

_Sexy beast?!._..Mac stared in open mouthed astonishment. Oh man, this was going to be good. As soon as he hung up, she couldn't retain the teasing taunt any longer.

"You must be speaking in another language cause I swear I just heard you say…" 

"What better code name than a reflection of the true self," Webb was quick to reply, shrugging nonchalantly at the same time. 

"Oh yea, the beast part I can definitely attest to, but **_sexy_?!**"__

She couldn't keep a straight face any longer and a sound halfway crossed between a scoffed choke and a giggle escaped past her lips. She continued to laugh in mirth whilst he merely looked back unabashed. His expression remained deadpanned, but his eyes glinted with a light of delighted mischievousness that Mac had only ever seen once before from Clayton Webb. Her laughter, then her grin gradually faded off and left them looking intently at each other. Clay stood up slowly, bringing him in close proximity to Mac. They were both of about equal heights and stood face to face aligned. At an even slower peace, his mouth inched hesitantly nearer and Mac's eyelids drifted close. 

Like their first kiss, this was just as short but chaste and gentle, a testing of new territory. This time it was Mac who was the first to step back in startled. Webb's eyes flew wide open and he started to apologise.

"I -"

Mac shook her head, cutting him off. Now wasn't the time to discuss their ever changing…friendship? Or whatever the hec you wanted to call it. She had exactly 6 minutes and 50 seconds left to get to work.

"Mac, I—" she placed a finger on his lips before he could protest any further.  

"Don't, not now." She turned quickly to leave, forgetting her original objective of meeting with him to discuss the investigation.

Unbeknownst to the marine or spy, a naval officer had also stood witness to the latest strange twist of events. 

_Now you're moving closer to me  
And our eyes have connected emotionally  
Not looking for a one night stand  
Or a place where a broken heart can mend_

**18:43  
Vuenos Night Club  
Tokyo******

As if like a negative and a positive in a magnetic force field, they were drawn to each other. Both pairs of eyes widened in shock. For a moment in time, all thoughts of undercover flew out the window as Mac saw the least likely person she'd expect to come across right here in Japan. She blinked to clear her vision and took the chance to surreptitiously take another look for certainty before replacing her mask of sweet, innocent ignorance. Batting her eyelashes, she sashayed her way full power, to the counter to deposit the wine glasses in her hands.

For Harm, he was instantaneously mesmerised and the renewed anger and confusion that had resurfaced earlier, momentarily forgotten. He wouldn't believe the sight if he wasn't sure that he was physically standing here himself. Mac had changed into another outfit and for the first time, he saw her in reality just like she'd stepped out from one of his many fantasies. She was dressed in what could only be compared to black hotpants. Her upper chest was encased tightly in a small scrape of red material that barely covered the essentials, accentuating her full figure. Her shoulders were bared and as Harm would soon see, so too was most of her back. He couldn't tear his gaze away from the sway of her slim hips.

_  
I know everybody here wants to hold you  
I know what it's like 'cause I feel the same  
When you look in my eyes there's a part of me that's still afraid_

Mac could almost feel the heat of his intense stare if they'd been laser beams. She thanked the dim lighting for providing the perfect atmosphere to act in such a blatantly seductive way in front of the man she desired, but had only kissed a handful of times. God how she wished she could always flirt openly like this with Harm. It would sure get her real intentions through that thick skull of his much easier. Spotting Clay at his usual spot in the far right hand corner amidst the shadows, she headed over and dropped down onto his lap. To Webb's credit, he showed no outward reaction, although a small startled intake of breath could be heard as she began to caress his face with her hands. Oblivious to a change in game plans, her lips glided from his chin upwards to his ear whispering, "13:00". When Webb looked in the given direction he saw the unmistakable back of a retreating Commander dressed in civvies.

_And when you say you love me do you mean it?  
Baby when you hold me do you feel it  
Should I believe the magic in your eyes  
I will wait until the end of time  
To hear you say you love me like you mean it  
Baby when you hold me make me feel it  
All I wanna do is make you mine  
I've been hurt way too many times_

Harm however, had snapped out of his stupor and his mood once again turned an abrupt 360 as soon as he'd recognised the face of the man Mac had just dropped onto the laps of.

**19:33  
Room 101, Tokyo Prince Hotel  
Tokyo**

Harm eventually found his way back to the hotel, after having spent the most part of the last hour wondering around aimlessly, trying in vain to vent off his anger and the predominating feeling of betrayal. The rational ten percent of his attorney-self argued that he had no right to feel betrayed. He was the fool after all, that had rejected Mac's open invitation to move onto a personal relationship. But the remaining ninety percent of him wasn't listening. 

As he fumbled around for his key, Harm in his present atypical state of unawareness, finally felt the constant presence behind him. Spinning around he was startled to see none other than Clayton Webb scrutinising him in silence. 

"What the hell do you want Webb" Harm growled, not even bothering to ask how the hec he'd known where to find him. 

Whoa, Clay took a physical step back in surprise at the forceful glare and animosity radiating from Harm's entire demeanour. Seconds later when Harm remained motionlessly glaring, Clay gestured for him to open the door. Harm scowled harder and turned back to do so. Flinging the door open he left it for Webb to come in without an invitation; who closed it quietly behind him. 

Harm strode to the coffee table and threw down his keys and wallet. Whirling back around he was in such a mess emotionally, that he forgot the standard undercover procedures and was about to rip into Webb for some explanations, when he saw the spy take out the bug detection device. Unfolding the antenna, Webb held the instrument in front of himself and took a sweep of the rooms. Confirming a negative, he restored the device and returned to face Harm, puzzled at the man's odd behaviour. 

"Guess I shouldn't be surprised, no doubt your Admiral sent you after us. It was only a matter of time before the admirable two-star's patience ran out" Webb stated with his usual hint of cynicism as a way of greeting. Harm was in no mood to make chit chat. He wasn't up to dealing with Webb now that he knew Webb and Mac obviously had more of a partnership than he'd ever suspected. Barely containing his disgust and frustration, he grounded out through clinched teeth, "What the – **_hell_**_ -_ do you want Webb." Harm repeated his words earlier in an even more aggravated tone. It was more of a demand than a question. "If you're not here to give me info, then you can just walk back out that door and stay outta my way." 

Webb was starting to get annoyed himself. "Hey look Rabb, whatever's up your ass don't take it out on me. If you don't want to meet MacKenzie, all the better. I'm sure she won't be too disappointed to avoid your foul mood right now." As Webb retorted with irritation, his hand slipped inside the jacket lining to retrieve a small slip of paper. Flipping this in Harm's general vicinity, he did indeed turn right around and leave without another word. 

Harm remained in the same spot, glaring down for a long while before bending to pick up the piece of paper from the floor. An address was all it contained.

_  
They say if you wanna make God laugh  
Then all you gotta do is tell him your plan  
And I know that the timings not right  
Didn't know I would meet you tonight  
It's not that I don't really like the attention  
I feel luckier than other men in the room  
Are you really sincere  
Is this just something that you do_

**01:15******

It was already the early morning hours of a new day, but Harm had yet to fall asleep. He laid sprawled out awkwardly on the luxurious sofa feeling anything but self indulgence. Having first picked out an unidentified drink from the mini-bar with foreign scribbling on the label, he was now finishing up his third bottle and feeling slightly hazy. What had first appeared, and he'd presumed to be water, Harm was now discovering that it was definitely of alcoholic content. Thus, the first soft knock on the door went by un-noticed and the third series of more persistent knocking only just managed to permeate his brain. The thought to speculate as to who could possibly be visiting him here fleetingly passed his mind. Pushing himself off the sofa took some effort and he stumbled whilst straightening up as the drinks started to take effect. Swinging the door open, he was instantly at a loss. Unable to form neither coherent thought nor words, he could only stare at his surprise visitor. 

"Harm?" At first Mac simply gazed back up at him amused, but after forty-two seconds of his impassive blank stare from her normally articulate partner, she invited herself in. She had to physically nudge him aside from the doorway before she could close it. What was the matter with him? Webb had came back spewing sarcastic comments about Harm being strung tight as a – well a comparison Harm sure wouldn't have appreciated if he'd heard the colourful words coming out of the pissed off CIA agent. Whilst she was still 'at work' at the club, she'd sent Webb to meet up with Harm first, but the meet up had unquestionably not gone too well. She'd waited for exactly an hour for Harm to turn up after returning to her room at midnight, but she'd gotten impatient to see her flyboy. So regardless of the time, she'd come aknocking. Idealistically, all she wanted to do was throw her arms around Harm and tell him honestly how glad she was that he was here with her, but reality persisted and she resorted to asking again, "Harm, what's wrong?" There was still no response. 

_Wrong … wrong? YES something's wrong. Everything's wrong. You and Webb are wrong!_ Harm was feeling rapidly light-headed. Suddenly confronted with Mac's unexpected appearance threw him amidst the deep abyss of clouds without the controls. He hadn't had the time to fully regroup and re-evaluate his feelings or next course of action. 

Looking away, he shifted his gaze to the carpet to hide all the confusing fusion of thoughts and feelings that he was experiencing right then, from her view. His head still bowed, he closed his eyes and ran a hand wearily through his hair. "Mac, can you come back tomorrow? I –"

"Harm, has something happened? Did the Admiral send you?" Mac was starting to panic. Something was undeniably amiss if he was telling her to go. Walking up to him to inspect his face at closer range, she opened her mouth to start another litany of questions only to be interrupted.

"Mac! I … I'm just not feeling too well ok. –_Please-,_ it's late" he finished off lamely. The note of desperation that had crept into his plea for her to leave clinched Mac's concern to full measure. It was time to change tactics. Laying her right hand lightly on his chest she said softly, "Sailor, talk to me. Don't you miss me? Geez, I can't wait to get back home. I'm missing everyone like crazy … especially you flyboy." Mac offered a small smile and waited, hoping her admission would draw him out with whatever was bothering him. But her smile quickly faded at his reply.

"Oh ho, I'm sure you missed me" Harm muttered mockingly under his breath. "You sure seemed to be enjoying yourself for someone who's __missing everyone like crazy__" he quoted her words back at her with heavy sarcasm, gazing directly into her eyes accusingly. 

"What are you talking about?!" Mac asked bewildered. 

Harm jabbed a pointed finger in her direction. "With Webb keeping you good company I doubt you'd have the time to be missing anyone." _Missing ME, _his mind shouted silently.

"What's that suppose to mean. If  – " suddenly the realisation as to what Harm could be referring to struck her midway through her sentence. "Wait a minute, are you talking about my … mini lap dance for Clay at the club? Harmon Rabb! You're jealous!" she declared teasingly, unaware as yet at this point in time, the seriousness of their conversation in which Harm was headed.  

"I _**am**_ **not**!" Harm defended with defiant stubbornness. Of course he knew he was and insanely so, but there was no way he was going to admit it right now when his ego was already at its lowest levels. 

"This is _Clayton Webb_ we're talking about for christ's sake, Mac! What the hell are you doing?" 

"What bothers you more, the fact that you think I was coming onto Clay or that it wasn't **_you_**?

Shit, this was fast beginning to take an eerie turn, parallel to the disaster in Sydney. Even in his current state of mind, Harm knew he had to stop before he added Japan to the list of attempted, then crashed and burned locations. 

"So which do you mean Harm?" Mac persisted. 

"Nothing" he said, choosing to shut down completely. Mac could almost see the physical veil of shield rise up around him as he turned his back on her and walked two steps away.

In two quick strides she closed the distance between them once again and pulled him force-ably around by the arm to face her. "Damn it Harm, I can't play these games with you anymore!" 

At that one moment in time, the accumulation of all the things that had happened, ultimately reached the boiling point. Harm felt beyond sick and tired of holding onto all his suppressed feelings, of hurting and being hurt and he simply let go by an unconscious choice. He let go of all the emotions he'd held in check, as precaution for himself and for Mac. He could no longer control his emotions, thoughts or actions. All rationality and self-discipline which created the basis of Harm's foundation, and that had for so long dictated the life of the Naval officer, no longer mattered. Leaving an emotionally raw and exposed Harmon Rabb. His jealousy that had been building progressively over the years exploded in a blinding fury and like a volcano erupting, was soon to wreck havoc with devastating after-effects. 

"Who's playing games Mac?!" he blurted out in a yell.

"If _**_anyone's_**_ playing, YOU'RE obviously leading and we're all going by YOUR rules. How many players have you got involved anyway huh?"  

Mac was still unclear on what exactly Harm was ranting on about, but she knew he was attacking her integrity not only as a Marine but also as a woman. In all the years of their friendship, he'd never once crossed that boundary and she wasn't about to let him do so now. 

"I don't know what's gotten into you Harm or why you're so bloody pissed off over a bit of fun, but if you can't take things into perspective don't go knocking me about." 

"A bit of FUN?!" Harm exclaimed incredulously. "What's it like to be able to go so easily from man to man?" he asked in a dangerously low voice.  

"Watch what you're saying Commander" Mac replied, in an equally quiet tone tinged with warning and a steely glint in her eyes.

"Why, do you want me to watch what you're doing as well?" Harm whispered bitterly. He continued his attack before she had a chance to reply. He was on a roll, the dam had burst and there was no way of stopping. Wanting her to see and feel his pain, Harm practically sneered in her face.

"Come on Mac, what happened, you couldn't be bothered to wait for me any longer is that it? So tell me then, Mac, what was it like stringing Webb into your bed?" 

_   
Again and again and again I've been hurt   
my friend till the end  
You know I've been high I've been low   
I got no place left to go  
Again and again and again will this search ever end_

Mac's first reflexive instinct upon hearing his harsh accusations was to strike back. Before either of knew it, her hand had struck out and slapped him on his right cheek. The sound of her hand connecting with his skin resounded in the following silence like it had been projected by a thousand watts amplifier. For a spilt second, Harm and Mac stood shocked in mutual stunned disbelief at the sudden twist of events. Time stood still, and then their vortex whirled into a frenzy as the impact of his words hit them both. 

"You arrogant, self-centred son of a bitch!" Mac shouted in fury and indignation. She could feel the suspicious burning sensation of tears rising and to save what was left of her dignity, she spun on her heels and was out of the room in the shortest time humanly achievable.      
  


Harm stood rooted to the spot, unable to fully comprehend the actions that had just taken place. The banging of the door eventually brought him down from the adrenaline rush that he'd experienced whilst arguing with Mac, slamming him back to earth with full force, leaving him physically shaken.  "Mac - MAC!Oh god, what've I done?!"he cried out remorsefully. The blood drained from his face and he felt grossly nauseous. 

_  
And when you say you love me do you mean it  
Baby when you hold me do you feel it  
Should I believe the magic in your eyes  
I will wait until the end of time  
To hear you say you love me, do you mean it  
(Oh baby when you hold me)   
When you hold me make me feel it  
Should I believe the magic in your eyes  
I will wait until the end of time  
To hear you say you love me  
Come on baby say you love me…._


	5. Like It Or Not

Title: Part 5 | Like It Or Not  
  
Author: Masumi  
  
Email: masumi_marine@hotmail.com  
  
Rating: PG-13, some language and situations  
  
Disclaimer: JAG belongs to DPB and CBS. No infringement intended. All songs belong to Darren Hayes and can be found on his (fantastic!) album SPIN.  
  
Author's Note: I apologise for the lengthy delay, but with updating the site and groups, there just hasn't been enough time. This chapter will be at least three times as long though, so hopefully it'll compensate for the long wait!  
  
This is the next instalment after 'When You Say You Love Me'. Continues on immediately following the events of Part 4.  
  
All stories can be found at:  
Yahoo Group ~ http://groups.yahoo.com/group/masumi_fanfics/   
  
Website ~ http://www.geocities.com/masumi_marine/   
  
Any suggestions, comments, constructive criticism welcome  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


**01:36 Local Time  
Room 101, Tokyo Prince Hotel  
Tokyo   
  
** For a few more heartbeats, Harm remained physically and mentally paralysed. The sheer force of the panic and shame that hurtled through his veins propelled him into action. He stumbled backwards from the sudden rush of blood in his system and flung out his arms in thin air in an attempt to regain his balance. Scrubbing a rough hand agitatedly over his face and hair, he rushed to pick up his keys and ran out the door.  
  
Less than a minute later he was back.   
  
_Damn it, where the hell is it?!  
  
_ Spotting the crumbled up piece of paper, Harm snatched it up from where it lay next to his last unfinished bottle, knocking over the left over contents in the process.   
  
**01:48 Local Time  
Room 405, Shakura Hotel  
Tokyo  
  
** Mac raced blindly towards the bathroom; all the while tearing off the layers of her clothing and flinging them wherever, whenever she got them off. Yanking the shower taps, she turned on the water to just under the scolding hot level. Her tears were camouflaged within the steady stream of water, so that she might not have had to acknowledge her own pitiful crying if it wasn't for the deep ache that pervaded her entire being. The steam soon overtook the shower stall and then fogged up the rest of the bathroom, leaving her just as equally blinded in her misery.   
  


_So tell me then, Mac, what was it like stringing Webb into your bed? …  
  
… Mac, what was it like stringing Webb into your bed? …  
  
… stringing Webb into your bed? …  
  
_

His accusation pounded repeatedly, over and over again in her mind contemptuously. Each and every time, the face behind the words turned more and more scornful. Mac wanted to deny herself the possibility that Harm would treat her in such a way. In so many of her past failed relationships where her integrity was tossed about freely like a frisbee in the wind.   
  
_But we don't even have that kind of a relationship! He's my best-friend!_ Her mind cried, continuing to reject the events that had just occurred.   
  
However, denial was an old trick whose powers had long ago dwindled away and could no longer appease her soul.   
  
Mac's initial stage of reaction was anger and resentment. How dare he accuse her of something so low?! He was the one who engaged in such worthless relationships with women who kept his bed warm for him. Mostly Blondes, whose looks she would sometimes secretly envy and long for, if only to gain his attention to her as more than the girl next door.   
  
Next came disappointment and hurt. Mostly hurt. How could he think such a thing? That she would be … _'playing games'_ and _'go so easily from man to man,'_ as he'd so eloquently described, she thought bitterly. He must've lost so much faith in her to think so little of her and their friendship. Or did he even really trust her at all, at the levels which she'd believed and honoured?   
  
Then, Mac merely felt numb, or perhaps it was still just denial after all. How did Harm come to have so much power over her? After the first devastating effects in life of a broken childhood, she'd learned to guard herself. Primarily from men, whose characteristics she would always relate to and be influenced by those of her abusive father. Harm had been different though. The first and most likely, only man she would expose her true self to. And so, unconsciously over the years, he'd gradually worked his way through the maze that led to her heart. She cursed him and herself, for allowing him in so close to reach this final stage.   
  
This time, Mac knew her heart had possibly just been cracked beyond mending.  
  
**02:04 Local Time  
Room 405, Shakura Hotel  
Tokyo  
  
** Caught lost and bewildered, franticly searching amidst the jumble of foreign streets, it seemed like an endless stretch of time before Harm found her hotel room.   
  
"Mac?" He knocked, tentatively at first.   
  
They became louder and more persistent. "MAC, I need to talk to you." His voice came out distressed and hushed even to his own ears.   
  
There was no answer and not a sound to be heard from within.   
  
_Oh god, she wouldn't … go for a drink would she?_   
  
"MAC!" the pounding was desperate; his fist thudded rentlessly, uncaring of the disturbance he was causing.   
  
**02:06 Local Time**   
  
Mac emerged from the steamy cocoon of her hideout, her skin a deep pink/red. Her shoulders were faintly hunched at the sides, contradictory to the stiff straightness of her back of which she normally held herself with marine pride. She looked how she physically felt; raw, wounded and burnt out.   
  
The sudden banging and shout out of her name rocked her already on edged nerves. She jumped a foot, her body jerking back startled. Fastening the sash of her robe even tighter around her waist, she crept to the door nervously, her heart rate hammered wildly like a constant drill.   
  
On the other side, Harm was alerted to the sound of movement. His breath halted.   
  
"Mac? It's me … Let me in, I need to talk to you."  
  
Pressing his ear against the door, he strained to hear her strangled sob and his chest constricted painfully.  
  
"Mac _please_" he pleaded, both hands spread out flat on the wooden surface.   
  
"Go away Harm," Mac whispered sadly.  
  
Her soft plea pierced his own armour with the strength of a thousand arrows. Resting his forehead against the door, he closed his eyes, trying in vain to morph this situation into a nightmare which he could wake up from. Unfortunately, the frightening immediate footsteps of Mac retreating were only too real.   
  
And then there was only silence.   
  
In the deathly stillness that followed, the irony of their predicament threatened to consume Harm whole. What stood between them was just a god damn materialistic door. All that had to be done was simply to unlock and open. He could probably break his way in by force if he was willing to try. But like Mac, he could only get to her so far before his journey came to an abrupt halt if she chose to withdraw. Harm realised with rising fear, the damage he'd caused with his irrevocable actions meant their friendship was teetering dangerously on the edge of a high cliff. And if he didn't take quick action soon, it would stay balancing precariously for a while, before smashing to the rocks below. Their friendship would lie in broken pieces and it would remain there for an extensive amount time before a long and excruciating rescue, if not indefinitely.   
  
If it had been the Great Wall of China rather than a mere door separating Harm and Mac, the vast distance between them couldn't be any greater, nor any less solid and impenetrable.   
  
So close and yet so far.   
  
"Maaac?" He gave one last feeble rap and turned in defeat.   
  


_I've been broken, shut down and useless  
Feet above me  
Hands in the air  
You got me falling over and over  
You got me twisted tied up and tangled  
I'd do it all for you  
You know I've been a fool for you  
I thought I tripped on a shoelace  
I look down and it's only you_

  
**12:40 Local Time  
Narita International Airport   
Tokyo  
  
** Harm felt like he was sitting at an empty movie theatre, watching himself on the big screen. He could picture the scene vividly in his mind, because the reality he was confronting couldn't really be his own. The portrayal of a lone man, standing motionless by the large glass windows of the airport's observation lounge, was a depressing image. Whilst the rest of the world revolved around him in a whirlwind of activity, everything and everyone else but himself was a blur. He gazed out into the diffusing brightness of the world beyond. It was a dreary day, like his mood, menacing dark clouds hovered low overhead. Inch by inch, a mass of grey cloud gradually made it's way over the complex, darkening the surroundings, and like his world dimmed, fading into monochrome.   
  
Someone out there was turning his life into a sad, satirical play. Only a few days ago, he had at long last, truly acknowledged the depth of his feelings and decided to act on them. He'd even started planning his - their future. Spend more time with Mac out of the office like he'd always desired, even simply as platonic friends. At least a day every weekend together if possible, would've sufficed - for now. Dinners, outings, gifts. All the little things men usually did for a woman in love. The type of things he'd never really bothered with in past relationships, but was more than willing to try for Mac. If it would prove to her bit by bit, the profound significance of her role in his life. The three little words, 'I love you' couldn't represent a single one of the millions of stars that she lit up in his world.   
  
Pity fantasies came no where near reality. Just as he didn't have the ability to rewrite his actions, Harm couldn't predict what the next week, weeks or upcoming months was held in store for them. Now that he'd probably just blown the last chance he was ever going to get. He sincerely doubted she would give him another pass to go, to start 'back at the beginning'. He should have known his life was just the same as flying an F-14. Totally in command one minute, one minuscule mistake and the next, he was spinning out of control. But the repercussions after this latest round that his plane had spun out of control could be unrecoverable.   
  
Her slap across his cheek had stung physically for no more than a few seconds, but the wounded expression on her face was etched into his memory like concrete. Harm hadn't felt this lost and hopeless since his first crash that'd killed his RIO. He wanted to apologise, explain, but pride and his own self doubt brought him here to the airport instead, waiting to take the next flight out. He had tried calling, even the secure hotel number from Webb, but no doubt Mac had ignored every ring. He knew in the distant recesses of his mind, that he was running. But he justified his cowardice with the explanation that he would be more of a liability than of any help by staying.   
  
However, if he left … Harm contemplated, this time Mac wouldn't chase after him, like he had followed her to the Gaudal. With this, he realised, no matter how much he wanted to believe that their friendship would survive this latest ordeal, it would never be the same again. He had in the end, unintentionally crossed the fine line between friendship and partners. And it hadn't been in any way close to what he'd imagined or hoped for, for that transitional moment. It was this understanding that strengthened his resolve and brought back the tenacity in Harmon Rabb Jr. He had never given up on a mission and in this task that mattered more than any assignment he'd ever faced, it would be all or nothing. He had to take the plunge, there was not much more to lose.   
  
No. Harm decided resolutely, he wasn't going to walk away again. Loosing Diane had been tragic enough, but tragic would come nowhere near describing the impact if he was to loose Mac. In essence, he had created what he'd been protecting himself from. Allowing her into every aspect of his life and risking the possibility of having that other half of himself to be ripped out, if she was to leave. Leaving no traces, just an unrecoverable emptiness. But falling in love with Mac had been inevitable and now it was too late to re-erect the walls. There would never be another Mac. The absolute certainty that settled in Harm's guts, affirmed the reservations that had long existed there. That there would never be anyone, but Sarah MacKenzie for him.   
  
_

Now I'm standing at a terminal waiting  
To connect to another plane  
and if I told you I just cancelled my flight to America  
Would you call me insane?  
Everything I am has been neatly contained into  
the contents of a Samsonite bag  
Me, a laptop, two suitcases  
And I'm coming to see you  
Whether you like it or not  
Whether you like it or not  
  


_ **14:08 Local Time   
Room 405, Shakura Hotel  
Tokyo  
  
** His hands were sweaty and his stomach was churning cycles like a washing machine. This would finally be their moment of truth. This time he wasn't leaving until he knew for sure that there was not one more flicker hope, that she didn't want him.   
  
Squaring his shoulders and stiffening his back, Harm rapped twice, rather softly.   
  
Mac rose from her lying down position on the couch, bleary eyed from literally no more than a few winks of sleep. It could only be one of two people. Neither of whom she wanted a visit from. She peeked out to broad shoulders and further up to see Harm's distorted face. Closing her eyes briefly to give her strength, she opened the door a few centimetres. "Harm --"  
  
"Mac please, just hear me out." She wouldn't look at him.   
  
"Not now Harm" Mac replied and then she did something she'd never thought she'd do, she shut the door in his face.  
  
Harm stood unwavering for a few seconds longer, before sinking down onto the carpet, leaning his head back against China's Great Wall.   
  
A cute little black haired boy ran past, halted and walked back up to Harm, step by step like a miniature soldier. He offered Harm an innocent smile, followed by a deep bow of his head, like he'd been taught for good manners. Harm returned a half-hearted grin of his own and ruffled the kid's hair. If only things could be as easy and naïve as the simplicity of being a child.   
  
A couple rounded the corner of the hallway, obviously the boy's parents. The woman took the boy's hand and the man ushered them along, casting Harm a suspicious frown. A foreigner on the floor leaning against someone's door in a high class hotel, it wasn't normal. There was sure to be trouble eventually.  
  
Harm dismissed the man's, and the ensuing curious eyes to follow.   
  
To hell with his ego.   
  
**16:45 Local Time**  
  
She had to get out. Needed to clear her mind and focus back on the case. Yanking the door open, Mac was stunned to find Harm still there, falling back into the open space of her doorway. He jolted upright and got to his feet slowly turning around. The intensity connecting them was hard to break away from.  
  
Mac pulled the door wider resignedly, leaving it open without a word. She returned to the couch, sitting rigidly on the edge. Harm walked over determinedly and took a seat on the adjacent one-seater. She gave a swift scrutiny of his face, silently grateful there were no lingering indications of her hasty hand. But he looked just as bad and she knew, he was feeling just as emotional as she was. Averting her gaze, she set her face devoid of any emotion.   
  
A long stretch of uncomfortable silence began. For some strange reason her mind flashed back to their very first meeting.   
  
Harm had been an enigma, right from her very first impression. She'd offered her hand for the obligatory greeting with a light smile and he had simply stared. His mystifying gaze had locked onto hers, taking the two of them to another dimension. The Admiral, Bud and everyone in that Rose Garden had disappeared. She couldn't figure him out; it was like they'd encountered each other before somewhere, sometime in the past. The tinge in her outstretched arm had brought her back to the present. And in an instant that would reoccur in similar situations later, just as she was about to withdraw, he'd swiftly reached out for her hand into a firm and warm grasp. Offering a lifeline only he could provide, when she'd given up hope.   
  
But on this occasion, Mac wasn't about to offer her hand again willingly. She'd reached out one time too many. It was Harm's turn to initiate the first step into the unknown.  
  
_

I've been put down, picked up and put off  
I've been held up, pushed and shoved around  
You got me falling over and over  
I've been drifting this side and upside down  
I'd do it all for you  
You know I'll be a fool for you  
I keep thinking I've lost something  
I look down and it's only you  
  


_ Resting a hand on each thigh, Harm unconsciously chewed on his lower lip while struggling to summon up the courage for some place to start. He tried to quieten his seemingly loud breathing. In the hushed stillness of the room, he sounded like a wheezing asthmatic. Wheeze in. Whoosh out. Wheeze in. Whoosh out. He focused on what he could see of Mac's features. The golden-brown locks of her fringe brushed to one side, obscuring part of her bowed face. The delicate slant of her nose. In comparison to the natural beauty her profile, her hands were clasped tightly together on her lap. He could see the knuckles drawn white with tension. Swallowing dryly past the lump in his throat, Harm launched into the realm of their unknown.   
  
"Mac …" he began softly.   
  
She refused to meet his eyes.   
  
"Mac, look at me." He took in a quick intake of breath as he watched her face lift defiantly. Her eyes were puffy and swollen red. They stared at him, large and wide open with accusation, sadness and hurt all swirling within their brown depths.  
  
"I'm so sorry Mac," his voice choked up with guilt and sorrow. "I was way out of line." He endeavoured to explain, helplessly waving a hand about.  
  
She rejected his apology, her nostrils flaring in indignation.  
  
"I didn't mean what I said," Harm offered apprehensively, in another attempt to express his chaotic jumble of emotions.   
  
Mac saw red. She lashed out, turning all the years of concealed pain into anger.   
  
"Bullshit Harm! We both know you don't say things you don't mean. Don't you think I know you well enough by now?!" she stopped unexpectedly, reconsidering her last words. "Well at least your courtroom tactics well enough," Mac amended bitterly. "So don't you _dare_ add insult to injury and humiliate my intelligence as well by trying to tell me you didn't _mean_ it," she finished in a hiss of resentment, glaring furiously at him.   
  
"I didn't mean it the way you think." Harm insisted, his untameable defensive on the rise.   
  
"Oh, so what _did_ you mean?" she retorted with heavy sarcasm.  
  
"I'm - I'm not quite sure," he stammered. _Liar! You know exactly what you meant,_ his conscience yelled. _You don't want any other man near her but yourself. You couldn't stand the thought of her with Webb. Or Brumby. Or Dalton and every single other man that came too close into 'your' territory. _  
  
"You're not quite sure," Mac mimicked scornfully.  
  
"I saw you kissing him Mac!" Harm blurted out the basis of his suspicions and envy.   
  
"So what," she countered bluntly.   
  
"SO WHAT?!" he exclaimed, raising his voice in disbelief.   
  
"_Yes,_ SO WHAT. You took things out of context and then totally blew them out of proportions!" Mac yelled.  
  
"Are you going to tell me there's nothing going on between you and Webb?" Harm challenged, inadvertently taking a detour from his set course of reconciliation.   
  
It was the unequivocally wrong path to take.   
  
"FINE. I admit. Recently I've been having … conflicting feelings about Webb."   
  
Expecting a dismissal or denial, Harm was abruptly taken aback at her confession and it hit him as hard as it was intended. Accusations were one thing, but confronted with the ugly truth was another matter entirely. He felt … shell shocked.   
  
"Maybe …" Mac hesitated, seeing the pain she was inflicting consuming the expressions on his face. But her own was greater; way past it's ignoring limits. "Maybe like you said, I can't wait for you any longer Harm."  
  
The cycles in his stomach came to a dead wrenching stop. Harm tried to speak, contradict, tell her he couldn't be more wrong in anything he'd ever said to her. She couldn't give up! But his lungs were deprived of air and his mouth opened and closed with unheard feelings.  
  
"It's been almost a year and a half since Mic left …" she trailed off, there was no need to verbalise the significance of the rest of her thoughts. There was plainly no more hiding room left in the stalemate of their circumstances.  
  
"Clay's a good friend and --"  
  
"Why are you doing this Mac?" Harm asked brokenly, cutting her off and turning his head away.   
  
The strongest wave of fatigue and grief swept over Mac, submerging her deep down. "Just go Harm," she replied tiredly. "If you can't sort out your feelings, stop messing with mine."  
  
His head whipped back around, crying out adamantly. "I have sorted out my feelings!"  
  
Pause.  
  
Mac took a deep breath. "Then tell me what you want Harm," she implored quietly. Praying he would finally, finally give her something, anything to hold on to. To pull her out of the drowning waves that had her securely within their clutches. She was met with the same hesitance on the Admiral's porch, the same pause on the Gandal.   
  
_Shit why can't I just tell her?! But there's so much to say. How can I know where to start when I don't even know where we begin and where it's going to end? She should have a good idea about how I feel about her! _  
  
Ultimately, his pause costed Harm even more dearly than the previous times. Mac wanted to scream in strangled frustration. He wasn't going to open up any more than the previous 'talks' in their six years of friendship. "We can't do this now," she answered for him flatly.   
The tone of her voice instantly set off the shrill of alarms in his head into overdrive. "Mac --" Harm breathed out with dread.  
  
"I need to get to work," she stated, remaining motionless, impassive.  
  
"We need to work through this _now_" he emphasised, leaning as forward towards her as his upper body would permit.   
  
She didn't flinch or draw away, meeting his gaze with deceptively calm and dispassion. "Some other time."   
  
Their faces were in so close proximity. Harm wished like hell he could just claim her lips and everything else about her for his own and give himself to her just as easily. "Will there _ever_ be a time for us?" He questioned with a trace of sarcasm, his fear, jealousy and pain all rolling into that one fundamental question.   
  
"It doesn't seem like it, does it?" Mac replied rhetorically in a whisper. With a heavy sigh, she stood, tearing herself away from his alluring presence that was suffocating her senses.   
It took every single last restraint bodily and mentally, to stop himself from reaching out for her arm and pulling her back to him. "Mac we can't walk away from this now" Harm warned, staring up at her pleadingly.  
  
"And I told you. I can't deal with this … this … whatever it is between us anymore!" Mac cried infuriated, jabbing her hand back and forth between Harm and herself. She felt trapped; they were forever going round and round and the light never appeared at the end of the tunnel. Unable to let go and unable to move on, they were stuck in this trench behind enemy lines, but far past safe ground.   
  
"Mac please, you can't leave now" Harm insisted with a sense of urgency that left Mac floundering with bewilderment. _He's never been this unrelenting before. Why is he pushing so hard this time? But what would it accomplish? Nothing, if he's not willing to give me more! God why does this hurt so much and he hasn't even outright rejected me yet!_ She stood indecisively arguing the frustrating points in her head. Uncertainty and confusion added to her already full platter of emotional overload driving the urge to escape to full extremes. She broke away from the hypnotizing hold of his misty-blue eyes. His eyes were the most powerful tool into her soul. They seemed to draw her in mercilessly propelling her in a never ceasing current towards him.   
  
Mac pivoted with effort, losing the battle to her will to getaway and re-establish herself at a much needed distance.  
  
"Sarah …" This time she faltered. The softly spoken call of her name from his lips was so persuasive, so promising. _Now who's playing games?!_ Her mind shouted. _He doesn't want me and yet he won't let me go!_ Her hands unknowingly clenched into fists. Mac took another deep breath that did nothing to calm her blazing nerves. It was her hotel room for crying out loud! But if he wasn't going to leave then she would have to do it.  
  
_She isn't going to listen,_ Harm realised with overwhelming dismay as she started towards the door, apparently undaunted by his pleas. In her one simple act of turning away, all that was left of his hopes and dreams vanished, evaporating into the depressive air that enclosed about them in this room.   
  
Out of the corner of her eye, Mac noticed Harm's head drop low down to his chest; otherwise there was no further sound or movement from him. Resolutely, she steeled her aching heart. She had never felt so heavily weighed down physically or spiritually. The few steps to the door simulated a mile long drudge through quicksand under intense heat. Gripping the handle tightly, she twisted and pulled open the door. A gentle welcoming breeze cooled her overheated skin.   
  
But she couldn't move. Couldn't make her feet lift up to take that last step out the door. Out of their friendship … Out of any possibilities of a future with this man she'd fallen so deeply for.   
  
_ Damn, damn, damn it all to hell!  
  
_ She couldn't do it. As much as he'd hurt her, Harm had also given her so much more. A friendship like no other that she'd ever encountered, which she treasured and depended upon every minute that ticked by. The last six years of Harm's companionship had filled so much in her afore empty life; stability, strength, happiness, inspiration. The good and the bad led their own dance until the two opposing forces nearly cancelled each other out. As much as she wanted to hate him, she cherished him to a greater, unsurpassed extent. Wether her love would dim back to friendship or remain a longing lover's touch, she couldn't stop loving him even if she tried.   
  
She couldn't do it.   
  
Closing her eyes, the tears fell silently, surrendering to the unbreakable force that bonded her to him. Mac re-shut the door softly and gave up in defeat.   
  


_How many forms can indecision take?  
And when does the warning light appear before a man breaks  
Mine is a restless heart don't try to fix it  
You know sometimes, sometimes I want it to ache  
  
_

Harm heard the soft click of the door. It signalled with absolute deafening finality that his life had irreversibly changed for the worse. Unawares, he crumbled; both hands gripping his head as if he was in physical pain, cradling it in his lap. "She left … she left me," he murmured in utter disbelief.   
  
"Oh god, I love you Sarah, I **_love_** you" Harm whispered hoarsely with anguish, as the long suppressed tears then began to fall uninhabited.   
  
_It's probably better this way. You're not good enough for her. She deserves better than someone like yourself._ The self-depreciating judgments swirled along with the torrent of excruciating heartache that was immersing him into their bottomless dark depths of despair.  
  
Mac froze. Her forehead still pressed against the door, her hand tightening around the metal handle, cutting sharply into her hand. She couldn't have heard right. She couldn't have. It was at least a long agonising minute before she had the courage to turn around slowly.   
  
Never before in her life had a sight such as the one she faced now, shaken Mac to her very core. The fact that the words she'd yearned so long to hear had just been articulated instantly flew out into oblivion as she stared at the scene before her in morbid horror.   
  
Harm, the strongest man she knew and looked up to, whose very essence was honour and pride and someone whom she'd only ever seen with tears after the culmination of a three year search for his MIA father, was presently hunched over with his head in his hands crying in great big silent heaves that shuddered across his entire body.   
  
At that very moment, the truth dawned on her bit by bit with blinding clarity. As much as Harm had power over her, she too had the same power of him. And now … now she'd just involuntarily caused something beyond the inconceivable. _Harm's crying in pain … And it's all because of me. I've caused him to breakdown … Oh my god!_ At length, Mac's mind fully comprehended the situation, jolting her out of her stunned stupor.   
  
"Oh Harm, I'm so sorry!" she ran, tears streaming down her cheeks to fling her arms forcefully around his broad back.   
  
Harm tensed in shock at the unexpected presence. Moments later he rose hastily to his feet, not daring to look for fear it was a dream. Instead he reached out blindingly to pull her into an even more fierce embrace that would've hurt, if Mac had the ability left to feel after the tumultuous events that were taking place.   
  
It felt like her, smelt like her. "Maccc," Harm moaned gutturally in relief. They clung to each other, trembling uncontrollably with an indescribable urgency. Each desperate for reassurance that they were still together, here and now.   
  
It was ten minutes or maybe an hour later Mac wasn't sure, when the ringing of a cell phone broke into their separate world that they'd created and been locked within. She vaguely recognised the tune as hers, but didn't raise her face from Harm's chest where it was buried. Neither did his head move from where it pressed securely into the juncture between her neck and shoulder. Their tears had subsided to light tremors that passed from one to the other through their closely pressed bodies.   
  
The ringing persisted and so did reality. Their gazes finally met again. Both red and wild. For the few seconds before Mac had to break away to answer her phone, their eyes searched each others frantically looking for the answers to more raised questions.   
  
"H-hello?" Mac hiccuped a distracted answered, her eyes still connected to Harm's. Despite her state of mind, Webb's urgent hiss permeated Mac's fogged brain, throwing her into high alert.   
  
_"Mac, get down here. They're exchanging as I speak. Second alleyway behind the Club, keep a lookout."_ He didn't give her time to formulate a reply; no sooner than the last word was out he'd hung up.   
  
_Shit by the time we get there the deal might be over._ "Let's go!" she yelled at Harm, swiping at her eyes, she was already rushing towards the door.  
  
For a split second, Harm was immobilized in a daze at the sudden twist of events. Then years of military training automatically kicked in and he grabbed his handgun before flying out the door into the hallway after Mac's departing back.   
  
**17:37 Local Time**   
  
Nearing the main street, Mac slowed down to a casual, fast-paced walk. Likewise beside her Harm followed suit. She could hear their somewhat heavy breathing from the hasty dash over. She led the way, turning into the darkened lane that diverted off behind the Vuenos. A few metres down, she turned into yet another little path leading to the second alleyway that ran parallel to the back of the night club. Slowing down further to an alerted prowl, she reached for her gun and then realised in her rush, she'd forgotten to bring it. A colourful expletive escaped her mouth.   
  
Hearing Mac's soft curse, Harm turned to give her a startled glance. She motioned her dilemma and allowed him to step in front to lead into the alleyway, his semi-automatic raised and at the ready. There didn't seem to be a single soul in sight, not that they could see much of the street in the fading daylight. Without warning, Webb suddenly slipped from the shadows to their left. He gave an upward nod of his head, beckoning for them to follow.   
  
Harm and Mac exchanged a glance of surprise as Webb wedged in behind a large dumpster. There was barely sufficient space for Harm's six foot four inches.   
  
"Glad you could make it Rabb." Even in his hushed whisper, they could hear the sarcasm dripping heavier than usual.   
  
Webb didn't bother asking how Mac had been able to a hold of Harm so quickly. Although he was silently relieved Harm had shown up. They were going to need all the help they could get. Without giving them a chance to speak, he started to brief them in a fast, clipped tone. "We're too late for the two truckloads that have already left with three men. I couldn't tell what type of weaponry they're exchanging, but I got some shots taken."  
  
"Where are they and what can we do now?" Mac interjected.  
  
Webb gestured his thumb at the side door that was situated next to the dumpster. Moving aside to allow room for Harm and Mac to press in close, they peered in through the small opening.   
  
"There are four men remaining. See the guy in the truck, that's the Jap Cabinet Minister and the one in the black suit is one of their high ranking MPs."  
  
At this, Harm and Mac shared another wide eyed look. "So the suspicions are true," Harm said.  
  
Webb continued without preamble. "We probably won't be able to overpower them, they've all got at least one firearm each. But if we can get close enough to tape the rest of the deal, it might be sufficient. Harm, station yourself at eleven-hundred. Mac, you're gonna need to get up as close as you can within a metre range. Here, wear this" he instructed, handing her a tiny recorder type gadget and an earphone.   
  
Harm bit back his immediate objection to Mac's role, but he knew there was no time to argue. As much as he would've liked to prioritise her safety first, he'd long learnt these situations didn't work that way at such liberties.  
  
Webb watched as Mac promptly set the listening device into her ear and then gave her a questioning look at her empty hands.  
  
"Forgot," Mac hissed simply, pissed off she'd done such a thing.  
  
"We'll cover you." Webb replied without a pause. He pointed Harm to the left and signalled at himself to the right. "There's another side entrance further up. You two move in from there." He waited a beat for their acquiescing nods and crept in through the door.  
  
Mac followed Harm, running across like a theft on tiptoes to ease cautiously into the building from the other side. It was a large warehouse of sorts. Faintly illuminated by a few light bulbs scattered across it's high rooftop. It was relatively crowded, filled with many highly stacked columns of large boxes and drum barrels. There were rows of packed shelves lining the sides and back. Near the middle of the large concrete grounds a large truck was parked. The aforementioned Minister was sitting inside at the wheels smoking. The other three men stood in a loose circle next to the open truck door talking animatedly, hands waving and fingers pointing.   
  
Harm gave Mac a reassuring thumbs up and a quick smile before moving on to his position further north. It really wasn't necessary, Mac thought briefly in passing. With the knowledge that Harm was watching her back, she gave no seconds thoughts for what she had to do. Stealthily circling around the truck on the left hand side, she continued crouching low and pressing close to its sides. Arriving at the front of the bumpers, she knelt down on her knees and noiselessly clicked on the recorder.   
  
Their conversations and slang was too fast for her to pick out no more than an odd word here and there. Through the large gaps between the truck's tires, Mac kept her eyes trained vigilantly on the men's legs.   
  
Mac noted four minutes and fifteen seconds later when all three pair of feet started to shift restlessly. Another forty-seven seconds and Webb's tiny voice came over the earpiece.   
  
_"They're finishing up now. Retreat." _Deftly slipping the recorder into her pant pocket, Mac backed around the side of the truck. Just as she reached the rear, she heard the truck doors slamming shut and the loud engine roar to life. Her whole body tensed and her eyes hurriedly scanned the area looking for a place to hide. As she darted behind the closest stack of boxes, the massive metal doors that enclosed the building began to roll up.   
  
The truck slowly backed its way out and the metal door started rolling once again in it's decent. It stopped, one third of its way down. Her breath caught when she saw two men remaining.   
  
The crackle in her ear alerted her to Webb's incoming message. _"Mac, you stay put. I'm going to try and get Harm's attention and move in."_ She wanted to do more than stay put, but knew it would be foolish without a weapon in hand. "Got it, be careful." Mac whispered into the speaker attached.   
  
Nevertheless, no more than thirty seconds and her mind began to consider other options. She couldn't just crouch there and do nothing. She was only about a metre and a half away from the door. She did still have her cell phone in her pocket … Mac peeped around the boxes. The two men seemed to be preoccupied, looking at a piece of paper clutched in one of their hands.   
  
Harm meanwhile, had also assessed the situation and started edging his way towards the middle of the room, inching his way slowly behind the shelves for cover. His heart leaped at a flash of movement from the opposite side, and then settled, recognising Webb's form. The silent message was passed between the two with a simple tilt of his head towards the two men.   
  
_Damn it. _The MP in the suit started walking towards the entrance. Harm hung back, waiting to see where he would go. Luckily, he stopped at a row of boxes, apparently checking them off with the piece of paper in his hand.   
  
Everything seemed to be going well according to their impromptu plan, when out of the blue, a loud shout of warning came from a man's voice outside. The cry of alarm caused every single head to snap towards the southward direction out across the alleyway.  
  
Subsequently, the ubiquity of the events that was about to take place in the next few minutes, appeared to do so in slow motion. Harm would later recall most accurately when all hell broke loose, it was like a scene from The Matrix combined with Mac's theory of a rift in the time- space continuum.   
  
Immediately lining up his gun at the MP he'd been following, Harm paused long enough to take a shot before turning back in search for Mac. He vaguely acknowledged the howl of pain, indicating his achieved target.   
  
Hearing the cry from outside, Webb whipped around and saw to his horror, the outline of a man's arms rising and aiming straight for Mac.   
  
"MAC!"  
  
"MAC!"  
  
Instantly, hearing the simultaneous hollers of her name, Mac knew she was in trouble, but was hopeless to do anything.   
  
As Webb flung his body in front of Mac's, his arms outstretched to take a fatal shot at the man outside, their shocked gazes locked for less than a miniscule of a second before a torturing ache took over his consciousness and Webb knew no more.   
  
Even as he turned to run towards Mac, Harm had a feeling it was too late. All that ran through his mind was, _Mac doesn't have a gun, I've got to cover her._ But a tiny missing detail was nagging at the back of his brains. He caught sight of Webb going down and then just four steps away, realised his critical mistake. The third man! He watched as Mac's horrified gaze connected with his own, her back arched instantaneously as her face contorted in pain, and then she too fell.   
  
With a roar of blinding rage, Harm twisted his upper body mid-run and fired off four consecutive shots at the remaining suspect.   
  
"MAC! Maaac." The tears resurfaced as Harm pulled her gently into his arms. He pressed a hand in an attempt to stanch the flow of blood that was rapidly soaking her shirt. There was no way to tell where the bullet was lodged or how much damage was being done.   
  
"Harm …" Mac gasped, her eyes dilating in a shroud of pain. "I-I'm fine. Check on Webb," she rasped.   
  
_Shit!_ "Mac, hold on for me ok?" Harm choked out past his constricted throat, trying to keep the desperation from his voice as he stared at her drooping eyelids.   
  
It took all of her energy to return a wane smile. Mac tried to summon up the strength to brush a comforting hand across his cheek, but the tormenting throbbing that was invading her body was too intense and she succumbed to the darkness that called.   
  
"MAC? Mac stay with me!" For the umpteenth time that day and perhaps last, Harm begged for Sarah MacKenzie not to leave.   
  
**04:40 EST  
Admiral Chegwidden's Residence  
Mclean, VA**  
  
Meredith Cavanaugh gave a loud groan of annoyance as the shrill ringing yanked her out of her much needed sleep. Receiving calls in the middle of the night was one of the down sides of dating a JAG Corps officer and with _the_ JAG, her sleep interruptions were tripled to hell land.   
  
"Chegwidden's Residence." She tried adding as much of her standard chirpiness as was possible at that time of the day.   
  
_"Admiral?"_ Hmm … the voice sounded awfully familiar and extremely upset.  
  
"I'm sorry, but Admiral Chegwidden's away at the moment. Can I be of any assistance?"  
  
_"Please, this is Commander Rabb. I need to get in touch with the Admiral. It's urgent."_  
  
Oh no, something must be terribly wrong. The usual quiet confidence she'd come to associate with the Commander was sorely missing. "Harm? It's Meredith. What's the matter? AJ's in Korea."  
  
_"Meredith, please I need to speak to him ASAP."_  
  
"Have you got a pen ready? I'll give you his cell phone." Meredith read him the emergency number AJ had left.   
  
_"Thanks."_  
  
"Is there--" she was met with the dial tone.   
  
**18:45 Local Time  
Soeul   
South Korea  
  
** AJ Chegwidden was on his way back to his hotel room after a long and tedious all-day conference. He'd been called to accompany the SECNAV and a group of other pompous US officials to sit in on diplomatic negotiations with the Koreans. Three days so far of lengthy unproductive arguments and with no end in sight, he wished he was back at the office to blow off some pent-up steam. The vibration of his cell in his pocket made him jump, skipping a stride. _Damn stupid things,_ he thought cursing darkly.  
  
"Chegwidden," he snapped.  
  
_"Admiral"_   
  
AJ instantly recognised the speaker and the tone of Harm's voice started gnawing an uneasy hole in his stomach. "Rabb what's --" He was aberrantly cut off.   
  
_"Sir, Mac and Webb were shot. I'm at the hospital but I don't know what the hell's going on!"_ came Harm's breathlessly frenzied voice over the line. It was so loud he had to hold the phone away from his ear.  
  
"What --" AJ started to ask.  
  
_"I don't know where they've taken her Sir and there's not a single goddamn person that I can speak a word of English to!"_ Harm continued his frantic venting without giving his Commanding Officer a second thought.  
  
"Commander calm down! They need you to stay focused and clear minded, not a raving lunatic" AJ ordered, injecting all the authority he could muster. It was the only thing that could work with an emotionally distraught Rabb. He heard a shaken breath being inhaled and the hole in his stomach widened to an endless pit. Things must've taken the worst possible, drastically wrong turn for Harm to be worked up in such a state. He couldn't think of any other time when Rabb had sounded this distressed. It even sounded worse than Robert's landmine accident. Reigning in his own escalating fear and anxiety, he reassured in a softer tone. "I'll be there as soon as I can."   
  
_"Yes Sir"_  
  
"Now tell me where you are."  
  
After hanging up from his stilted conversation with Harm, AJ dialled another number on the whim. "Mr Jung, by any chance is Japanese one of your language services?"  
  
**19:00 Local Time  
The University of Tokyo Hospital  
Bunkyo-ku, Tokyo  
  
** Harm stared blankly at his bloody hands. His mind was still reeling from the images of pools of blood. It didn't occur to him to get cleaned up, that he was a disturbing sight to behold. He looked like a day's work at the butchers, except it wasn't some innocent, dead animal's blood. Even if he washed it off, his hands would forever remain stained, stained with _... Webb's blood ... Mac's blood. Oh god._ Harm squeezed his eyes shut tight willing the memories to stop plaguing him. Distantly, he recognised the signs of impending shock. All in the space of a few hours, his life had been built like a house of cards that'd been knocked down, resurrected and then cruelly torn down yet again. The fear and frustration was a continual build up in his chest, threatening to detonate at any time.   
  
After the ambulance had rushed them into hospital, Mac and Webb had been swiftly wheeled away. He'd tried desperately to follow along, but lost when they denied him into the elevator. He'd also tried pleading, ranting, to any staff nearby. They'd listened, but he wasn't heard. _They don't understand a thing I'm saying!_ Harm clenched and unclenched his hands in aggravation. Now he was left in the emptying hospital, left to his tormenting thoughts. He wanted to pound a few rounds into the wall, anything to keep him from this insane silence, from this waiting of uncertainty and the unknown. _Maybe she's … "NO!"_ the fervent protest was spoken out aloud. He wouldn't think such thoughts. They were still alive. They had to be.   
  
Almost two and a half hours later, Admiral Chegwidden strode through the hospital walkway just a step away from running.   
  
Lee Jung, a short stout man, one of the Korean translators who'd been in attendance with the Americans, was outright jogging; his legs struggling to keep up with AJ's fast-paced, longer strides. He almost barrelled into the Admiral's back when he came to an abrupt stop.   
  
AJ sucked in a deep breath of air at the sight of Harm's dishevelled form. He was sitting hunched over and erringly still. And his hands … they were mostly covered in a deep crimson redness that could only be blood. "Rabb." AJ called quietly. The pair of eyes that rose to meet his was frighteningly unfocused and glazed over. "Jung, go and find out about MacKenzie and Webb" he instructed rapidly.   
  
Harm looked at the Asian man Chegwidden had addressed with a spark of hope. He got up to follow, after attempting a disheartened millimetre lift of his mouth in greeting at his CO.   
  
Lee bowed his head politely at the petit Japanese woman manning the front desk. He spoke a few soft words and translated. "She says she does not remember any persons brought in with same names."  
  
Harm's fist thudded down onto the counter, making everyone jump. "They wouldn't have had any IDs on them," he said dismally, looking meaningfully at the Admiral.  
  
_That's right, they wouldn't have had a single piece of information to identify who they really are. Curse Webb and his stupid undercover missions. Look where it's gotten him now. Well, wherever he is ..._ AJ thought quickly, "Tell her we're looking for two brunette Americans. Brought in around --"  
  
Harm racked his brains trying to gauge the approximate time. "About six thirty, both with chest wounds," he filled in, after looking at his watch and doing a quick calculation.  
  
Jung relayed the details back to the nurse. Both AJ and Harm's heart dropped concurrently when they saw her head shake.   
  
"She says we must wait until morning to speak to a doctor." Lee Jung interpreted.   
  
Lee suddenly found himself a few too-close centimetres away from the ex-SEAL's steely face. "I want to know what's happened to Webb and MacKenzie and where they are RIGHT NOW. Do. You. Understand. Me." AJ stressed each word of his demand with the effectiveness that only a two star Admiral could achieve. He turned back to smile encouragingly at the wide eyed nurse.   
  
Jung returned to his discussion, this time speaking rapidly in Japanese. "She says she will go down to the main reception and ask."  
  
AJ nodded for Jung to go and seeing Harm start to follow them down the corridor ordered, "Rabb, STAY." Harm turned back reluctantly. "You won't be of any help to them so sit down and …" He ran his gaze over Harm's shocking appearance. "Actually go and get yourself cleaned up. You look like the --" he hastily omitted his next word _dead,_ "mouse that the cat dragged in."  
  
Harm opened his mouth to argue.  
  
"That is an _order_ Commander!" AJ bellowed, his own temper reaching the exploding point.  
  
"Yes Sir," Harm replied in a subdued tone. He raised a weary hand to scrub over his face and stopped abruptly at the sight of blood. He stared once again as if seeing it for the first time. The unusually sympathetic and gentleness of the Admiral's voice pulled him out of his daze.   
  
"Son, you really will feel a lot better if you go and get yourself cleaned up." AJ gripped a firm hand on his shoulder and propelled him in the right direction.   
  
**22:05 Local Time  
  
** It took at least another unbearable half an hour before Jung came running back. "Follow me. They say Ms MacKenzie is in room 326 on the above level."   
  
Harm launched himself out of the seat that the Admiral had managed to restrain him to for the last fifteen minutes. "Let's go!"  
  
"What about Clayton Webb?" AJ asked a step behind Harm.  
  
"They did not find out what has happened to him."  
  
Neither man voiced their mounting concern. Getting into the elevator, AJ watched as Harm's finger jabbed repeatedly at the button. Normally he would've snapped with irritation at such behaviour, if he hadn't felt like doing the same thing himself.  
  
Before the doors could fully slide open, Harm had already wedged himself through. _326 326 326 …_ Arriving under the corresponding number, he paused, momentarily afraid of what he would see, before bracing himself to open the door.  
  
"Mac? … Mac!" When her eyes fluttered open, the tension that released him was so immense it almost made Harm stagger back. Vaguely he took note of the large bandages wrapped around her right shoulder and chest area. Unable to pull her into his arms, Harm made do with engulfing her face in both his hands and pressing his face to hers. "Ma-Mac" He placed a shaky kiss to her cold lips as a tear made its way down his cheek. "Thank god. Are you ok? … Mac?!" he shook her slightly panicking when she didn't respond.   
  
"Harm, she's just fallen back asleep. Let her rest" the Admiral said calmly, placing a restraining hand on Harm's forearm. He stored away the scene of an all too intimate greeting by the Commander for future assessment.   
  
**Sunday  
  
11:15 Local Time  
  
** "Harm?"   
  
Hearing the softly spoken call of his name, the biggest smile lit up his face.  
  
"Hey" Mac responded weakly to his smile, her eyes beginning to slide close once more.   
  
"I think you've had enough sleep for now Colonel" AJ said with a hint of amusement in his normally gruff voice. He stepped up beside Harm at her bedside.  
  
"Admiral? What are you doing here?" Mac questioned groggily.   
  
AJ smiled, the taunt furrows of worry on his face visibly disappearing. "You gave us quite a scare going MIA for a while there Mac."  
  
_MIA?_ The memories came rushing back. "Oh my god Clay! Harm, where's Webb?!" Mac struggled to sit upright, wincing at the pain that shot through her upper body.  
  
"Mac, careful there. You've got a dislocated shoulder and a gun shot wound that needs to heal" Harm admonished, as he gently pushed her back down.  
  
"Just for this once Colonel, I'd have to say, listen to the Commander" AJ said lightly.  
  
Mac smiled faintly at his joke. "Yes Sir." She looked back to Harm with trepidation. "But Harm, what about Webb?" In the following silence, she glanced between the two men. She could sense their hesitation, no doubt contemplating how to tell her the news. "Is he … dead?"   
  
**16:10 Local Time**  
  
"We are sorry, but we can not do major operation with no patient files and no permission" the Japanese Doctor insisted again despite their protests.   
  
Lee and the Admiral had located Webb early that morning when the hospital had resumed running. From what they could understand, his condition had been stabilised, but he'd fallen into a coma. Not only that, the bullet had yet to be removed. Now they were loosing critical time that could not be spared. After harried calls back and forth between the hospital and the US embassy in Tokyo, a helo was finally arranged to airlift Webb back to the US.   
  
Mac sighed in angry frustration. She wanted to ask the Doctor for more details, but the extent of her language skills didn't reach into the medical field. By now, she'd talked her way out of bed. Even though the Doc would've been glad to know, she was in no way at any risk with Harm hovering by all the time, no more than an inch away.   
  
**Monday  
  
21:37 EST  
Bethesda Naval Hospital  
Bethesda, Maryland  
  
** Thankfully, they were back on home soil. Although, Harm thought ruefully, _Bethesda's layout is a blueprint that we all know much too well._ He watched Mac walk off tiredly, as the Admiral sent her to the cafeteria. The three of them were worn out in all ways possible. The prognosis had been grave and even now after the surgery, Webb still showed no signs of waking up. The bullet had been lodged dangerously close to his heart, whilst Mac had been mercifully lucky with only a shoulder wound.   
  
"Harm, I think it's about time you took the Colonel home and get yourselves some rest" the Admiral advised. "There's not much more we can do now by running ourselves ragged."  
  
"Aye Sir" Harm agreed, he needed to convince Mac to get some sleep. The entire time on the long flight home, there'd been an uneasy and apprehensive silence. Mac had closed her eyes, but with her fidgeting, he knew she hadn't gotten any rest. Rotating first his neck and then his shoulders, he tried to loosen the stiff muscles. _I need to get some rest myself._   
  
Mac came back with a sandwich in her free, left hand. She wouldn't have any use of her right hand or shoulder for at least two weeks. Instead of eating it herself, she handed it to Harm. "Here you have it. I just didn't feel like anything" she shrugged at the two men's reproving looks.  
  
"Mac, you haven't had anything to eat or drink since early this morning. Now take at least one bite." Harm said persuadingly. He unwrap the plastic and held it up to her mouth.   
  
Mac rolled her eyes and chose to endure a small mouthful in order to appease their concern.   
  
Harm smiled and without giving any thought, wiped the dab of mayo from the corner of her mouth. The pad of his thumb lingered on her bottom lip before hastily being removed when the shifting of the Admiral's feet caught his attention. He didn't dare look to his CO, continuing to talk to Mac instead. "Let's get you home for some decent food."  
  
"No I want to stay" she objected.   
  
"Mac come on, it's late. We'll come back in the morning," Harm cajoled, laying a hand on her elbow.   
  
"NO, I'm staying" the vehemence of her protest surprised even Harm and especially the Admiral. In her shroud of remorse as she removed his hand, Mac failed to see the extent of hurt that flashed across Harm's face.   
  
It didn't escape the Admiral's eagle-eye lookout.   
  
In the end, Harm had been sent home much to his annoyance. The hospital had been adamant, even more so than himself. Frequently, they'd had to deal with a stubborn wife or girlfriend who insisted on staying overnight with their loved one despite hospital policy. Or vice versa with the husband, but it was pretty much a first for a third party to insist on staying with the loving partner _and_ the patient.   
  
**21:45 EST**  
  
Mac took another sip of water. Her throat was parched and she felt lethargic. She'd talked for the last hour, either to herself or if Webb could hear her, she didn't know. He sure hadn't shown any indications of understanding her random ramblings. The Spy whom they all loved to dislike was just lying there. His usually lively eyes and brooding face was now simply blank and devoid of all expressions. The upper half of his chest was bounded in thick bandage similar to her own, with one leg in a cast propped up in the air on cord and hooked to a metal rod extension from the bed.   
  
The only thing Mac acknowledged within the turmoil that was taking place inside her was the guilt. He'd taken a bullet for her. Without thought and without hesitation, Clayton Webb had thrown himself in the line of fire to save her and here he lay, unconscious and fighting for his life because of her. This man whom she considered a close friend, she found she actually knew nothing about. Nobody other than Harm, the Admiral and herself knew of his condition. Maybe he had close friends, relatives. _Maybe he even has a wife and kid who are worrying about him right at this very moment._ She had no idea. _His mother! What kind of person am I?_ The only person she knew of and she hadn't even remembered to call. Mac made a mental note to contact his mom first thing in the morning.   
  
She wanted to cry out her frustrations, her fears, but no tears came. She'd run out of tears to cry. _Please wake up Clay,_ Mac begged yet again. She clutched his left hand in her own, ignoring the pain in her shoulder and laid her head down on the bed.   
  
**22:55 EST  
Harm's Apartment  
North of Union Station  
Washington, DC  
  
** He'd failed to protect her. Rather, he was deeply indebted to Webb for saving her life. Harm would've thought he'd be greatly relieved once his love for her was revealed and out in the open, but they hadn't resolved anything. Mac must've heard his words, yet there had been no triumph or fanfare. Maybe he was too late. She hadn't said anything, hadn't reciprocated the same feelings. Now there was just a pervading hollow emptiness that replaced everything else in him. Empty and haunted.  
  
**Monday  
  
O2:02 EST  
  
** He was exhausted, but sleep as he'd predicted proved futile. After jerking awake for the third time, Harm bounded out of bed frustrated and irritated. He got dressed and headed back to the hospital.   
  


_I'm coming to see you  
whether you're ready or not  
I'm coming to feel you baby, whether you like it or not  
Get ready cause I'm coming to see  
Whether you like it or not  
I'm coming to see you  
Whether you like it or not_

  
**02:45 EST  
Bethesda Naval Hospital  
Bethesda, Maryland  
  
** At three am in the morning, the hospital grounds were zombiesque. Luck was with him when Harm slipped by the unattended front desk of the infirmary level. He let himself in quietly through the door. His gaze first seeking out Mac's form, to find her fallen asleep with her head on top of the bed. His heart clinched with a flicker of jealousy at the sight of her hand loosely entwined with Webb's, but it was promptly doused with self-disgust. _For crying out loud Rabb, the man's in a coma for saving Mac's life, which ****__you_ failed to do.   
  
Someone had obviously provided an extra cot for Mac, but its white blankets were still neatly folded at the base. He couldn't let her stay that way.  
  
Cautiously, Harm slid one arm around Mac's back and the other under her knees. Pulling her securely against his chest, he lifted her up slowly. She stirred only slightly, proving the extent of her exhaustion. He treaded softly up to the bed, but didn't put her down. Holding her like this, she was so tantalizingly close it almost made him groan out loud at the intimacy of her body pressed against his own. Reluctantly Harm gently laid her down, straightening out her legs and covering her loosely with the blanket.   
  
Unable to break away, he knelt down and caressed the familiar features of her face with his eyes. His hand moved of its own violation and trailed a light path down her fine cheekbones. Powerless to resist the temptation, the temptation of Mac that grew ever strong, his face inched closer. He stopped a hair's breadth away from her lips, his eyes closed. He could feel her soft breathing against his own mouth. _Why does this have to feel so forbidden?! I'm in love with her,_ Harm agonised. He yanked himself away, taking a deep calming breath and dropped into the chair at her side. Finally close to where he always wanted to be, his mind switched off and allowed him a few hours of troubled sleep.   
  
A few hours later, Mac awoke to the instant assault of unfamiliar surroundings. She looked around disorientated for a few seconds before spotting Webb and remembering where she was. _But how did I get onto the bed?_ Getting up quietly, she gasped inaudibly when she nearly tripped over a pair of long legs. _How'd Harm get here?_ She shook her head and smiled. _Should've known he would get his way no matter what._ She took the extra blanket and draped it over Harm's chest. Mac sat staring at him for a while, taking the rare moment to do so. His mouth had fallen slightly open, his arms slipping loosely folded on his chest and his legs stretched out, crossed at the ankles. With his head lolled uncomfortably to one side onto his left shoulder, he was going to have one hec of a cramp in a few hours. A tender current of warmth stole over her, easing a touch of the raging war within. He really was the best-friend she'd ever have … _and he lov-_no, she couldn't think about that right now.   
  
**07:35 EST**  
  
This was the scene Admiral Chegwidden found when he walked in the next morning. His two senior officers sound asleep and the still form of Webb, just as he'd been yesterday. Rabb was sprawled out awkwardly on a chair that barely contained him and Mac was lying on the bed on her right side facing Harm. AJ stood there contemplating the room's three occupants, the third addition who was an extreme perplexity. The potential romantic relationship between Harm and Mac he had long accepted, but Webb ... he didn't know what to think of Webb. He could tell without a doubt that something had transpired between the three, or at least between the Colonel and Webb. Mac's actions now, were similar to the time of Harm's crash during her engagement. When she'd sat vigilant watch at Rabb's bedside, her worry had been akin to those of a woman in love. But that would mean her feelings for Webb ran as deep as it did for Harm. _How is that possible?! I'm not sure I really want to know._ He'd never suspected a thing between Mac and Webb.  
  
"Colonel," AJ called, touching a light hand on her shoulder. She didn't wake.   
  
Suddenly, the shrill beep of the heart monitor pierced through the peaceful morning air. Harm and Mac instantly shot up with a start. The previously prone form of Clayton Webb lying on the bed started seizing spasmodically.   
  
"Clay!" Mac yelled rushing over.  
  
"Rabb get the Doctor!" AJ shouted as he ran over to help Mac restrain Webb's body.   
  
Harm shot out of the room and was back a minute later with a Doctor and two nurses.   
  
"Everyone out!" the Doctor barked as he rushed past the three officers.   
  
Harm ushered Mac out the door in front of him, trying to block her from straining around him to see what was happening.  
  
**14:50 EST**  
  
He was drifting through the clouds, blissfully light and inconsequential. It only lasted for a short while … until it all came to a screeching halt. Webb felt like he'd plummeted to the ground. There was a constant dull ache everywhere he could feel. Bit by bit, he opened his eyes to take in the glistening white room and-   
  
"Mac?" he croaked with bewilderment. _What's she doing here? What am I doing here? Where the hell is here anyway?_  
  
"Yea, how're you feeling?" she asked in a soft endearing tone.   
  
He felt her brush a gentle hand across his cheek. _Christ, I must be dreaming if Mac's treating me this way,_ Webb thought blinking rapidly. Suddenly, Harm's face came into view.  
  
"Rabb? What you doing here?" Webb asked, complete confusion written all over his face.   
  
"Keeping your boring self company," Harm answered with a loud chuckle.   
  
"Agent Webb, got a little too much taste of your own medicine" came the curt voice of-   
  
"AJ!"   
  
"Good to see you alive and well Webb," AJ said with a rare smile for the CIA agent.  
  
_Jesus, I really must've died and gone to heaven. Mac's treating me like a doting wife, Rabb wants my company and the old man **smiled** at me?! How could I possibly have made it above with the things I've done? _With that last question in mind, Clayton Webb conked out again into the ignorance of sweet oblivion.   
  
**17:35 EST**  
  
The next time Webb awoke, he was once again graced with the vision of Sarah MacKenzie at his side. "You still here?" Clay asked in astonishment. The musical sound of her laughter reached his ears.  
  
"I'm still here" Mac replied, tremendously relieved he was finally awake and coherent. A few hours ago when he'd awaken for the first time, Webb had been too drugged up and fallen back asleep almost immediately, mumbling incomprehensibly.   
  
"Wha's going on? Where'm I?" His speech was still slightly slurred.   
  
"You don't remember?" Her worried frown returned.  
  
"Member what?" He tried sitting up and immediately his vision started spinning. "Ahhh" he groaned as the feeling of a thousand needles jolted throughout his body.   
  
He fell back with a soft thump, before Mac could reach him. "Don't move Clay, the nurse should be back soon with medication." She rearranged his pillow and swept tussled hair across his forehead. He didn't answer, seeming to fall back into a doze.   
  
As she expected, the nurse was back shortly after to check on Webb's drip and leave more mediation. Mac reported Webb's brief wake up. The orderly smiled kindly at Mac as she had during her last two visits. "He'll be fine dear. Just give him time to wear off the medication and then you'll be able to talk to him properly."   
  
True to her words, three hours later Webb regained consciousness. Mac brought him the cup of water blended with his apparently bitter medication. He spluttered on the first gulp, screwing up his face in disgust. "What the- Mac are you trying to poison me?"   
  
She smiled taking the cup from his hands. "How're you feeling?"   
  
"Like shit" was the prompt reply.   
  
Mac grinned, the sarcastic spy was back in business.  
  
"Hey, what happened to you? Are you ok?" Webb asked worriedly, noticing her condition for the first time. She had dark rings under her eyes that were prominently visible even against her tanned skin.   
  
"I'm fine. Just a dislocated shoulder, but I think you should be worrying about yourself." Mac pointed at his leg in midair and the rest of his injuries.   
  
He groaned loudly, shoving a hand through his hair. "What've I done to myself now?"  
  
"You've got a broken leg and … they removed the bullet from your chest." Mac reminded him tentatively.  
  
Webb was silent, piecing together the blurred memories. "The Japanese MPs! Did we get the evidence? What happened to the men and the tapes?"   
  
"I'm not quite sure" Mac admitted. "Harm didn't mention it and I didn't think to ask."   
  
Webb's closed his eyes with another groan. "The Agency's gonna hang me for this one if we lost it." His eyes snapped open at one more recollection. "Mac, are you sure you're ok? There was a gun aimed at you?"   
  
"Clay, that's why you're here now, you were already in a coma when they took the bullet out. You've only just woken up after two days." Mac paused looking away, the tears returning with the guilt. "I'm sorry …"  
  
"Mac," Webb grabbed her hand and squeezed soothingly. He waited until she met his gaze. "As long as you're not hurt, I don't regret what I did and I would do it again. You're one of the few friends I have Mac, I hope you know that."   
  
Mac was shocked and deeply touched by Webb's earnestness. It took her a while to respond. "Thank you" she said with all sincerity. He smiled with embarrassment and she saw his cheeks tinged red. _Webb's blushing!_ Mac laughed gaily, breaking the profound moment.   
  
Grinning at each other, they assumed a companionable discussion.   
  
**21: 20 EST **  
  
Webb was starting to get tired again, but talking to Mac like this was a taste of her that he was easily getting addicted to. The subject had turned back to his 'heroic rescue' as Mac had termed light-heartedly.   
  
"I'm glad to be the hero for once instead of Harm" he quipped.   
  
Mac stared. There was more to his words than just the on surface joke. Was it … bitterness or … jealousy that she heard?   
  
Webb glanced nervously around the room under her scrutiny. _No wonder she's a Marine. Mac's getting way too sharp for me. Damn, I must be loosing my touch._ To his relief, she didn't pursue the matter. Rather, she asked a just as alarming question.   
  
"Clay … you're not um … married with a kid, are you?"   
  
"What?!" Webb exclaimed. "I certainly hope I didn't get myself married with a kid on some mission without my knowledge."  
  
Mac grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, don't think you were that lucky" she teased and then said in all seriousness. "I just didn't know if there was anyone that we should've contacted."  
  
"Naw, only Mother" he turned away, but not quick enough for her to miss the fleeting flash of sadness.   
  
"I called, but they said she couldn't be reached" Mac told him softly.   
  
"Doesn't matter, I can give her a call later."  
  
"Are you sure? I can call her again if you want" Mac offered with concern.   
  
Webb shook his head silently with a small smile. "Which reminds me, Mac, you should go home and get some rest yourself."  
  
"I'm fine Clay" Mac replied firmly. She was determined to stay until he got out of hospital.   
  
"You may be fine, but the shadows under your eyes don't really suit your looks Mac" Webb said, returning to a joking mood again.   
  
**Thursday  
  
17:23 EST  
Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment  
Number 201, The Washington  
Georgetown**  
  
Mac was washing the usual two plates from her solitary dinner single-handedly, when the dreaded knock on the door sounded his arrival. She'd been expecting Harm any day now. Actually, she was surprised he'd stayed away this long. Tuesday morning Webb had been picked up by a chauffeur and left for home. Harm had tried taking her to his place as she'd expected, knowing he'd want to take care of her. Mac had prayed he'd understand when she told him she wanted some time alone, but he'd closed up as usual and she hadn't heard from him since. The Admiral had ordered her not to resume duties until next Monday morning. Generally she'd argue against unnecessary leave, but for this occasion she was grateful for the time away. She couldn't quite comprehend it herself, but basically she felt like shutting down. She hadn't thought about anything or done anything. Too much had happened and she just didn't feel like facing the music as yet.   
  
Wiping her hands on the dishtowel, Mac made her way slowly towards her door. She pulled it open without bothering to check through the peephole.   
  
"Har-Clay! What're you doing here?"  
  
"Just dropping by" he commented casually, as if he 'just dropped by' at her door on a regular basis.   
  
Mac bit back a smirk. Back in his renowned three-piece suit and even with the nonchalant attitude, the spy on crutches just didn't have the same effect. "Come in" she invited. "Shouldn't you still be resting your leg and body, Clay?" Mac worried.   
  
"I should ask the same of you" Webb replied with equal concern.   
  
They shared an understanding grin. Webb passed his custom-made crutches to Mac and lowered himself onto the couch. He watched as she sat down gracefully beside him, waiting expectantly to hear the purpose for his visit. He wiped his somewhat sweaty hand discreetly along his thigh, before reaching into the inner pocket of his jacket. "Here, just a token of my appreciation for … staying with me at the hospital." He handed her flat, square box.  
  
"Webb!" Mac exclaimed, "_I_ should be giving you something for saving my life, not the other way round."  
  
"Mac, we've been through that. Anyway, it's not much. Open it, please."   
  
She gave him another long look before turning her attention to the box in her hands. Pulling open the heavily hinged lid, she gaped at the content. "This … isn't much?" she breathed in disbelief at the sparkling bracelet, the _very_ expensive, sparkling diamond bracelet. "It's gorgeous … Clay, I really don't know how to thank you." She didn't have anything worthwhile to give in return. She hoped he recognized that her inadequate appreciation wasn't for the gift, but for the bullet he'd taken in her place.  
  
Webb thought quickly to quell her obvious discomfort. "Hey, a kiss would be nice." It came out as an offhand joke and ended up landing in the electrically charged air that it had created.   
  
Two tentative pairs of brown eyes met and locked.   
  
Mac broke the hold first, tugging self-consciously at the hem of her top. She rarely saw this side of Clayton Webb, but in the few times she'd encountered, she couldn't tell what he was thinking. It tossed her into the deep end of confusion.   
  
"Sarah."   
  
Her breath caught at the tone of his voice. His face was edging closer. Instinctively, her eyes glided shut and before she could consider their actions, she felt his firm lips descend upon her own.   
  
Reaching an unspoken mutual agreement at the same time, they both drew back gradually. Clay's mouth lingering for a second longer. This time there was no need for words in the understanding look of acceptance that passed between them. They had just closed the door on a briefly ventured path that would never be reopened nor mentioned of again.   
  
Mac helped Webb to stand up and silently handed him his crutches. She followed him to the door. Sharing with him one last solicitous smile, Mac showed him out.   
  
Webb hopped leisurely to the elevator, lost in thought. He stood waiting, without pressing for the button as yet. He turned around at the sound of her door re-opening, to see Mac sticking her head out.   
  
"Hey, Webb. Don't think you're gonna get it easy the next time you come round to JAG begging for assistance on another crazy case of yours," Mac called out, grinning widely before ducking back inside.  
  
Clayton Webb laughed with a sense of freedom that he'd rarely experienced in life. It was shaded with a touch of melancholy that there would never be more between them, but above all, with contentment that he had even stood a chance with such an amazing woman. It was an equally valuable consolation, knowing that he would always hold a good share of Mac's unique friendship.   
  
******Meanwhile …**  
  
His feet pounded on consistently, the leaves scattered on the trail beneath crackled and crushed under each heavy thud of his foot. Harm knew he was pushing himself over his limits. It was his sole intent. She said she wanted to be alone, in other words, away from him. She hadn't called. For the past three days without her presence at JAG, he could bury himself under backlog of paperwork; loose himself in front of the judge and jury. However, as soon as he returned to the vast forlorn cavern of his apartment, he couldn't hide from himself anymore. The echoing silence was insufferable.  
  
Daylight was fast fading, the shadows emerging to dominate the night, but he didn't mind. It allowed him to loose himself in the darkness before it could capture him instead. He continued to run methodically, running as far away as he could go. But no matter whether he liked it or not, unconsciously he was still running towards her. To her.  
  
_

I know, I know, I know you're gone  
Can I see you baby  
Is it too late baby  
I know, I know, I know you're gone  
Is it too late baby  
It's all gone…

_   
  
  



	6. In Your Eyes

Title: Part 6 | In Your Eyes   
  
Author: Masumi  
  
Email: masumi_marine@hotmail.com  
  
Rating: PG, PG-13 in one section for one _baaad_ word from Webb.  
  
Disclaimer: JAG belongs to DPB and CBS. No infringement intended. "In Your Eyes" lyrics belong to Peter Gabriel.   
  
Author's Note: Well, here it is. The next and last instalment after 'Like It or Not.' After almost an exact year since I started writing my first fanfic, which had unintentionally turned out into this multi-part series, has finally reached its ending. Thanks to everyone who've stayed on this long and angsty road with me.   
  
All stories can be found at:  
Yahoo Group ~   
  
Website ~   
  
Any suggestions, comments, constructive criticism welcome  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

  
  


_Love   
I get so lost sometimes  
Days pass  
And this emptiness fills my heart  
When I want to run away,   
I drive off in my car,   
But whichever way I go,   
I come back to the place you are  
  
_

**Monday**

07:16 EST  
Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment  
Number 201,The Washington  
Georgetown 

"Araghh … $#@&!" A vast assortment of curses was being flung at anything in the general vicinity, as Mac struggled with her uniform. It was the morning she was due back at work and it was running about as smoothly as a dying engine. Without the use of her right shoulder and consequently her right arm, she'd soon discovered simple everyday tasks had instantly become life's greatest nuisances. She'd spent seventeen long infuriating minutes engaged in a tug of war with her pantyhose. The damn stretchy material had stubbornly refused the attempts of her left hand to right itself. So now she was stuck with a constant sensation that was as comfortable as a wedgie and the telltale walk of a penguin. 

After Clay's visit on Thursday, a gigantic burden had been lifted and immense relief had set in. It wasn't as if she had felt compelled to take things further with Clay, but there was no denying this latest mission had taken their friendship to a whole other dimension. She had no reservations about the way things had turned out and knew this newly forged bond was something they would both have fun with in times to come. 

Sadly, her light weighted frame of mind had lasted for as long as five minutes. Friday had came and gone, as had Saturday and Sunday. And there'd been no show from Harm since he'd dropped her off last Tuesday. Her hours had passed with increasing anxiety, the emotional turmoil rapidly eating away at her bit by bit. Nothing had changed, yet everything would undoubtedly be different. The words she'd dreamt of hearing for so long had been spoken, but it hadn't been intended for her to hear. 

_What are you doing right now Harm? Are you regretting your words? Why haven't you come to me yet? Where are we going to go from here after all that's happened? _A thousand questions passed through her mind, not one of which she had an answer to. She couldn't decide if the agony was worse before or after his shocking revelation. Never in her life had all her nerves, tension and apprehension been strung up so tight, in anticipation for her imminent meeting with Harm today. 

At length, with a final tug, Mac managed to make it down to the waiting taxi before the driver could start on his third round of blasting horns.  

** 08:28 EST  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, VA  
  
**

At JAG HQ many staff members had been waiting in suspended expectation. Ever since the Commander had joined in the Colonel's absence, of all sorts of crazy theories had been tossed around as to what the pair were up to now. The rumours had lain dormant for a while when weeks had gone by with no word of the two senior officers. Then last Friday Lt Singer had subtly made mention of shootings and injuries and it had spread like wildfire throughout the office. The minutes had ticked by, but when their abnormally behind schedule Lt. Colonel hadn't arrived, the gathered crowd had eventually drifted back to their duties. 

Thus, when Mac eventually made her entrance, it went by unnoticed. Setting foot into the bullpen, she stopped at the doorway, absorbing the familiarities of Monday morning routines. It'd been six extensive weeks since she'd left and it felt like coming home ... except Harm wasn't anywhere in sight. His office stood empty, only occupied by the forlorn darkness accompanied by the closed blinds and shut door, signalling he had yet to come in. A sense of loss and disappointment so strong unexpectedly stole through her.

Tiner's excited exclamation of "Welcome back, ma'am!" from across the room effectively announced her appearance. Startled, Mac was taken aback when she suddenly found herself swiftly surrounded like a swarm of bees returning to their hive.  

Drawn out of his inner sanctum by the predicted commotion, Admiral Chegwidden didn't make his presence known. In his long, _loooong_ years in the service, he knew of no other JAG officer who had ever experienced as many exploits as Mackenzie and Rabb. What he did know was that the rest of his people were especially prone to gossip and tales of adventure, to enliven their own, often than not tedious work days. Unfortunately, Mac was taking the full brunt of their curiosity today. Deciding to give a hand to the harried Colonel, who was literally single-handedly, albeit graciously answering questions, he called out: 

"Colonel, at my door in five."

Mac looked up gratefully at the sound of their CO's voice, "Yes Sir." 

Precisely four minutes later she broke away from the over-enthusiastic welcome back crowd, catching a quick sympathetic smile from Harriet on the way. 

**08:35 EST  
Admiral Chegwidden's Office**

"Good to be back, Colonel?" The Admiral asked in way of greeting.

"Definitely, Sir. Definitely," Mac gave a small sigh, settling into her usual chair.

"Satisfy the fan's inquisitiveness?" He enquired with a hint of amusement, as he handed her a bundle of standard yellow manila folders.

Mac cringed slightly, before giving him a weary smile, "I sincerely doubt it Sir. I'm surprised the spotlight hasn't already been taken by the usual star." There was an oddly long pause from the Admiral. 

"Your presence and Commander Rabb's were required back in Tokyo yesterday. However, I need you to finalise these files before you join the Commander later this afternoon."

"Commander Rabb's already in Tokyo, Sir? Mac repeated, the tone of her voice clearly indicating this little piece of info was new to her. 

"Yes." AJ hid his surprise at the fact that Rabb had left without the Colonel's knowledge. Which meant, he highly suspected; there was still more trouble between the two. He suppressed a sigh. After so many years, how the man's mind worked, he would never understand. "Details of your … adventure leaked out to the Japanese media late Friday afternoon. Hence, it's only just being made public here also. Confusion and speculations of three American heroes are running rampant all over Japan. However …" he paused to lean back in his chair. "It seems our resident _special agent_ just doesn't give up. Webb's already gone back over the weekend, sorting out the mess with the authorities. Fortunately, he's managed to suppress all three of your identities from the press and explained why we've had three Americans spying on their government. It's actually saved us a whole lot of trouble." 

Mac bit back a smile, not missing Chegwidden's rare note of approval in regards to Clay's work. "He's does come in good use every now and then."

"Don't put words in my mouth Colonel," he replied dryly. They shared a good natured look of amusement; both knowing full well the Admiral was indeed pleased.

AJ shook his head, hints of incredulity creeping into his voice. "With the Intel that you and Webb had already gathered, they've been able to arrest all four of the MPs involved. Seems like the three of you have cracked a multi-million dollar inside job and what could've become a highly potential international threat." 

"What about the other members of the triad, Sir?

"They're proving to be much more elusive. The Commander can speed you up to date on the rest of the details. Now—" he picked up another folder and passed it over the desk to her. "Here are your flight arrangements for later this afternoon. They're waiting for your testimony and you can assist Rabb in tying up any loose ends in regards to our involvement. Someone from the embassy will meet you at the airport and escort you to the hotel." 

** 20:03 Local Time  
Room 125, Tokyo Prince Hotel  
Tokyo**

Although he was expecting her, Harm had to subdue the increased rush of trepidation he felt when the knock on the door sounded. After ushering her in, he turned around from the door to face Mac fully. Instantly, all the anguish and misery of the past few days no longer existed. All that mattered in this one moment in time was the reality of themselves, reunited. Instinctively, each took a step towards the other. Harm couldn't hold back any longer and throwing all caution to the wind, he acted purely on impulsive. Closing the last of the distance between them, he folded her into a gentle, but firm hug. Mac didn't resist, her one good arm wrapping around his waist, holding on just as tightly. It'd been a week. A whole week without each other's presence and it had been like a deprivation of an essential need for their survival. 

Eventually, the intensity that connected them slowly ebbed away. Mac pulled away reluctantly, from the simplicity of security that only Harm could provide her. He stepped back also, but placed a warm hand on her back, guiding her towards the low kotatsu table. He helped her to sit down on one of the cushions placed around the square table. Once Harm had settled on the opposite side, they found their knees touching. Neither shifted away. It was a peculiarly comforting gesture. 

"Dinner?" Mac asked unnecessarily, speaking up for the first time. Two trays containing a variety of sushi and small bowls lay in wait for her. 

"Yea, I thought you might be hungry after your long flight." He removed the wooden chopsticks from the paper wrapping and passed it over to her. "Dig in." 

Mac took the chopsticks but didn't attempt to use them yet, preferring to use her hands to pick up the round rolls of sushi instead. 

Harm noticed and chastised himself inwardly for forgetting to get a fork. _It would have made it easier for her temporarily left-handedness, Rabb._ "How's the shoulder?" 

"A pain in the butt … and arm." She offered a reassuring smile, seeing the evident worry on his face. 

As they started in on their food, a somewhat uneasy silence descended upon them. When the awkward hush began to stretch too thin, Mac broached the easiest topic. "So … the government's been feeding information to the triads, who in turn smuggled in artillery for them to add to the country's stock pile of mass weapons of destruction?" she reconfirmed. 

Harm looked up from his battered fish, which he'd been focusing on. His eyes had kept straying to Mac, where they seemed to want to stay permanently locked. "Sadly, yes. Although, we still don't know precisely which country they were saving those nasty toys for." 

"When do you think they'll catch the rest of the people involved?" 

"Actually, that's one mission accomplished. Just a few hours ago the authorities rounded up eight members from the underground gangs." 

"Wow, pretty impressive considering the dealings have been going on right under their noses unnoticed for the past three months," Mac commented dryly. 

Harm shook his head ruefully. "I know. Unfortunately, what they do now is out of our hands. The US won't have any jurisdiction, since we haven't found any solid evidence that links those weapons with intention to us." He replied, with as much sarcasm as Mac's previous comment. 

Conversation drifted off once again and they returned to their food. He watched as she lifted the lid to the steaming soup bowl and took a small sip. He saw her fumbling with her pair of chopsticks, trying to pick up some contents of the soup. 

"Here, let me help," Harm paused hesitantly, waiting for her permission. After her small smile of consent, he leant in close over the small table, taking them from her grasp. 

As he fed her a mouthful, Mac took a sudden interest in their oriental surroundings, whilst she chewed slowly through the contents of tofu, seaweed and some unidentifiable titbits. Ironically, or simply a strange twist of fate, they were back in the same hotel. _The same hotel that ..._ she blocked off from following that train of thought, knowing the time for that would come soon enough. This time, they'd gotten a room with distinctive Japanese furnishing. Idly, she took note of the wall arts and timber décor. _Luckily, we won't have to sleep on tatami mats on the hard floor. _

Intuition and her senses that were so often in tune with his, told her Harm was studying her intently. She returned her gaze from around the room to meet his. Her breath caught in her throat with surprise, at the look in his eyes …  
  
_

In your eyes  
The light, the heat  
I am complete  
I see the doorway  
To a thousand churches  
The resolution to all my fruitless searches  
I see the light, I see the heat  
Oh, I want to be that complete  
I want to touch the light, the heat I see in your eyes  


_  


Harm pushed back abruptly, feeling unsettled and perplexed. _What had just happened?_ He'd just been watching her as she ate. The way her sensuous lips had parted, her tongue extending to take the food he'd held out for her … _Oh God,_ he stifled the groan inwardly. He found himself flushing, his body temperature rising steeply. She'd caught the way he'd been looking at her.   
  


He'd always been immensely drawn to her. Ever since that fateful afternoon when he'd first set eyes on Sarah Mackenzie, an inimitable connection between them had sparked to life on the lawns of the Rose Garden. Over the years he'd discovered a conscious need to keep himself in check with her, both physically and emotionally. It had gotten progressively harder as their friendship deepened, but in recent months it was irrepressible. Tonight, as soon as she'd stepped in the door earlier, he hadn't even realised he'd been staring and fantasizing. This was truly the first time he'd lost himself in her presence completely, and unawares. Their confrontation the other night had reached them at the pinnacle in their seven years history and they were only just currently, cautiously making the perilous decent.   
  


Now the tables were turned and he could feel her full attention on him. There was only one dreaded subject left that would work as a brief diversionary tactic. "How's … Webb doing?" There was a long pause as she debated whether or not to take his bait.   
  


"On the mend," Mac held his gaze directly, unwavering.   
  


"I really owe him big this time," he expelled a short wry laugh. The remark slipped out more to himself then for her benefits.   
  


"Harm, you don't owe him anything." She hadn't expected this, but in an instant of retrospection, she understood it was the most predictable route he would take; guilt.   
  


He got up, abandoning the rest of dinner and took three large strides to stand in front of the large, ceiling to floor window. "Mac, you don't understand." How do you explain the logistics of love, shared between two men for the same women, to that very woman? If there was one thing he had to admit grudgingly, to having in mutual respects with Clayton Webb, it was the paramount importance for Mac's safety; no matter at what cost. Therefore, if Webb had saved her life, he was indebted.   
  


Mac remained on her cross-legged position on the floor. "Why do you need to take responsibility for me?" she questioned him bluntly.   
  


He had no verbal answer to give, other then the obvious and so he responded only with the ambiguity of his silence. He knew it wouldn't be adequate. He followed her movements in the windows reflection, superimposed with the twinkling lights of the world outside that laid at their feet, as she rose to hers and walked up behind him. Instantly, her closeness instigated the heat, enveloping him in a familiar feeling of longing. The craving to touch and feel her, but he didn't turn around.   
  


"Where do you get this irrational sense of duty to protect me? Her voice was quiet, her frustration loud and clear.   
  


He tilted his head slightly at an angle back towards her. "Mac, we're partners."  
  


"Yes, but you go above and beyond the boundaries of friendship Harm. I don't need you to shield me in my relationships. In some way or other, you've constantly had a say in my relationships with other men _ John, Dalton, Mic … and even Webb!"   
  


Harm winced, it was true. And he could acknowledge it to himself now; he'd interfered, because it some miniscule way, shape or form, he'd wanted to be those men. To be involved with her in the way that was strictly off-limits to him. He considered his words carefully. "I just want what's best for you Mac." There was a prolonged pause, before he felt a scorching hand slide up to his upper forearm, turning him around to face her fully.   
  


"You're really only this way with me aren't you?" Mac asked incredulously.  
  


"No one else, Sarah." This time, his answer was immediately straight from the heart and with unsurpassed sincerity. A long minute of silence commenced and he could tell she was dissecting his words and searching for the meaning between the lines. He prayed with all his will that she would unearth them.  
  


"You're only this way with me … because … you really do love me, don't you?" her affirmation trailed off in a whisper of truth, acceptance and awe.   
  


Harm's heart and mind simultaneously started racing a marathon. There was only one path to the finish line. Bracing himself, he replied, almost in defiance. "Yes."  
  


Stunned into silence, she could only stare into the brilliance of his aquamarine eyes, which were offering her everything about him. Then with a small gasp, it was she who wrapped herself around his torso, moulding her body into his.   
  


Harm pulled her closer to him still, burying his face in her hair. "I do love you, you know Mac," he whispered, his mouth caressing the softness of her cheek.   
  


"I know Harm. I see it in your eyes," came her muffled reply. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, fighting the suspicious stinging sensation behind his eyelids.   
  


"Harm," Mac raised her head, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I need you to know, Clay is and always will be a special friend." She felt his entire body tensing rigidly in her arms.   
  


"And you have feelings for him," his deep voice was faintly shaky and taut with apprehension.   
  


"Yes."  
  


His arms dropped limply to his sides, his heart sank. Only to resurface with the following declaration.  
  


"But they are nothing, _NOTHING_ compared to the way I feel about you."   
  


_Love  
I don't like to see so much pain  
So much wasted  
And these moments keep slipping away  
I get so tired of working so hard for my survival,  
I look to the time with you  
To keep me awake and alive  
  
_

He'd been standing on the verge of darkness, the void he'd once fallen into with the aftermath of Diane's death. Her words gave him the only lifeline to step away from the brink. 

Wha-what'd you say?" 

"I never have and never will, feel the same way for another man as I do for you Harm," Mac vowed with conviction and a trace of timidness.

Harm let the sound of her voice and the assurances she conveyed, flow through him, the calming balm to his soul. His universe righted itself with such an overwhelming sense of relief, a tremor coursed through him. Without delay, her arms encircled his neck, drawing him into her embrace once more. 

"Harm, I'm so sorry," Mac whispered haltingly.

"I'm sorry too Mac." 

"But I … _hit_ you Harm!" she cried, choked up with shame. 

"Mac, what I accused you of was equally as spiteful," he halted her objection with a shake of his head. "Let me tell you, the emotional repercussions were much greater then your flimsy strike. I would've expected much more ferocity from you marine," Harm joked, attempting for some levity. 

Both laughing through their tears, Mac offered, "How about if we're both forgiven?"

"Deal." Harm ran his hand over Mac's hair, framing her face in his large hands to look directly into her eyes. "Promise me …" he drew a shuddering breath. "Mac, when you got shot … there was so much blood! I couldn't decide what to do. I knew Webb seriously wounded, but all I could think about was you!" 

The heartache was clearly etched on his face and in his voice and Mac felt his anguish as her own. "Look at me Harm, I'm _fine_. Don't let it eat away at you."

Harm brought his face nose to nose with hers, about to make the biggest commitment thus far in his life. "Promise you'll never let me go."

Her heart melted, along with any lingering reservations. "I promise, Harm."

_

And all my instincts  
They return  
And this grand facade  
So soon will burn  
Without a noise and without my pride  
I reach out from the inside  


_  
**Wednesday 07:02 Local Time**

"Rise and shine, Marine!" 

She was pulled out of a deep, blissful slumber by Harm's way too early wakeup call. Mac raised her head, squinting at the bright sunshine that streamed in as he pulled open the blinds. Judging by the flock of noisy chirping birds outside, which'd probably just woken up themselves, it was still early morning hours yet. 

"Get _outta_ here Harm!" Mac's head flopped back onto the pillow, groaning theatrically at his overt cheerfulness. Burying her head under the blanket, she hid her happy smile. 

Ahhhhh!" Before she could help herself, a loud involuntarily squeal was let loose as she felt Harm worm his way under the covers from her feet. He propped up on one elbow, the other arm snaking snugly across her abdomen, the strength of his beaming smile almost knocking her out again. 

The sun shone through the thin sheets, emitting warmth and radiance, enhancing the utter contentment on their faces. Harm leaned down slowly, giving her a long leisurely kiss so achingly tender, Mac felt her whole body tingling with pleasure. 

"Good morning," he murmured against her lips. 

"Mmmm … morning." Once her vision had cleared, Mac took liberty to physically familiarise herself with Harm's features. He was truly, sheer physical perfection. She trailed a finger along his freshly shaven jaw line, across the fine arch of an eyebrow and down the ridge of his nose. She added another finger to her exploration of the smooth textures of his sensuous mouth. From one corner, across the curve of his bottom lip and back up over the dip in his upper. 

Harm caught her hand against his face, placing a kiss on the centre of her palm. "I love you." It was exhilarating, this new-found freedom to openly express his feelings. To witness her eyes lighting up the golden russet of sunsets, the rays dancing within. He had yet to hear those words from her, but he didn't need them now, to tell him that his feelings were reciprocated.  

"What do you say; later on we hit the streets of this hectic city and have ourselves some fun?"

"You're getting no complaints from me Sailor," Mac replied languorously, pulling him down to her. 

Yesterday had been wearisome, filling out paperwork and answering endless questions from the government officials. Today and the rest of the week however, was the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. They were left to enjoy themselves as they pleased. Laughter bubbled up in her chest, thinking back to Tuesday's conversation with the Admiral. Evidently, their CO understood more about his senior staff than they'd given him credit for. 

****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_Flashback_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sir, we've finished with our work here. I was hoping to take a few days off…" Mac listened to the contemplating silence on the other end of the line and eventually got her reply. Flashing a triumphant victory sign at Harm's expectant face, she passed him the phone for his turn. "Admiral, this is Commander Rabb. I'd also like to—" Having been prepared to grovel for the suspicious circumstances of both their absences, he was genuinely startled at the "Permission granted," before he could finish voicing his request. The look on Harm's face had been priceless. ****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_End_ _Flashback_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**19:30 Local Time__**

            If he'd thought the place couldn't get any more fast paced in the day time, he was sorely deceived. At night, the streets were literally coming alive with intense energy; the cityscape shimmering in thousands of surreal, neon technicolours. They'd jostled through the crowds, strolling through the myriad of shops, department stores, bars and clubs. 

Approaching dinner time, Harm and Mac had been debating over what and where to eat. Passing a small elegant and warmly lit restaurant, Harm had spontaneously tugged on Mac's hand and ducked through the doorway. To both their surprise, they'd each been given a kimono to change into and then shown into a small private room for themselves. Wherein, Mac was presently looking on in amusement at the predicament he'd gotten them into. 

Harm shrugged indifference. "I presume this is part of their tradition." He could tell Mac was enjoying this as much as he was, if not more. 

"I don't think they stock your size Harm," Mac chortled. He made quite a comical figure, dressed in the white gown, covered all over in large blooms of navy flowers. It was at least two sizes too small, the fabric tightly wrapped across his broad chest and stopping short below his knees. As much as she could laugh, she also found him incredibly sexy in the attire. The sight of his bare feet, his muscular legs, his … _Whoa, Red light zone! _She moved quickly to take a seat on one of the intricately woven straw mats on the floor. __

A quintessential Japanese waitress, fully adorned in kimono gear including wooden sandals, knelt down on her knees to take their orders. Mac somehow got a recommendation from the softly spoken women and ordered for them. 

A small grill was brought in, the coals already alight and burning lively. The comfortable silence between them an extra element to the romantic ambience of the evening. Harm picked up his cup of steaming tea and raised it up to Mac. "To our first official date," he said softly. 

Mac was pleasantly surprised at his toast and returned the favour. "And to many more." 

Food was a bit of a wait, but in due course tray after tray was brought in, loading up the table like a banquet. They both stared at the elaborate set out. Harm flipped open the menu, reading the English description again for his vegetarian order. 

"Kaiseki: the pinnacle of Japanese cuisine, where ingredients, preparation, setting and presentation all come together to create the most unique dinning experience like no other."  
  


"Tell me about it," Mac breathed. "It looks almost too good to eat." _Almost_, if not for the sudden grumble of her stomach in protest.

The sound of her stomach and their laughter broke the silliness of their stupor and preceded the lavish meal underway. Briefly in passing, amidst the haze of luscious food, Mac wondered if Harm had brought his credit card. 

** Friday  
  
12:40 Local Time  
Jingu Gardens  
  
**

He was sprawled out on the grass, arms folded behind his head. She too was lying on her back, cushioned on the comforts of his chest. Together they were just another happy couple enjoying the serenity of a Friday afternoon. 

"How'd you find my hotel room that night anyway Harm?" There was no need to clarify 'which night' specifically she was referring to.

"Webb had come by earlier. I must admit, out of the dozens, it was probably my least stellar treatments of Clayton Webb."

Mac turned around onto her front to lean on top of his chest. "No wonder he was in such a foul mood when he got back!" she exclaimed and then erupted in laughter. "He called you and I quote, 'strung up tight as a f_ing horses arse' end quote." She bit her lower lip, shaking uncontrollably with giggles. 

Harm looked shocked and then narrowed his eyes into an evil frown. "I'll remember that for future reference." 

"Spook versus Navy, could be interesting," she teased.

"And just who are you vouching for to win?" he asked in a low voice that threatened action if she gave the wrong answer. 

But the marine she was, Mac ventured straight on. "Hmmm … I dunno, it'd be a tough one. Although CIA agents are generally more cunning—" she was cut off and tackled to the ground. Laughing gaily like a pair of six year olds, they struggled around on the ground, each fighting for the upper hand.

When their breathlessness had subsided, her curiosity returned. "What was up with you that night anyway Harm?" Mac asked.

He considered bringing up the issues of insecurities at seeing her with other men, but decided to leave it for another time. "I'm thinking it had to do with the three bottles of this drink I had. What I'd _assumed_ to be water, but obviously turned out much stronger."

"Harm you idiot! That's _sake_." 

At his blank look, she groaned in exasperation. "Japanese rice _wine_. There's at least seventeen percent alcohol in that stuff. No wonder your mind was plastered."

"Well, how was I supposed to know, Miss cultural-know-it-all." Harm threw back with a wide smile.

Mac rolled her eyes, a come back at the ready. "Well, maybe if you pulled your head out from where it's wedged up the—"

"You just keep going with that and see if I get you that ice cream you wanted," Harm warned. Seeing her eyes wide with feigned angelic innocence, he couldn't deny her anything.  

_

In your eyes  
The light, the heat  
I am complete  
I see the doorway  
To a thousand churches  
The resolution to all my fruitless searches  
I see the light, I see the heat  
Oh, I want to be that complete  
I want to touch the light, the heat I see in your eyes  


_  


Returning from the side street vendor, Harm walked briskly back across the grassland and stopped short in his tracks, entranced. For the first time, he really allowed himself the candid appreciation of the beauty of the women he'd fallen in love with. Mac relaxed with her legs outstretched, leaning back with her body supported by one arm behind her. Her eyes closed, face upturned to bask in the warm sunlight, she was exquisite. She was like a Rembrandt masterpiece. The exclusive result of the joining of light and shade, to become the woman she was today. For all of his life, he'd been consumed with one search to another; his father, Diane's killer, his flying career. Ultimately, all his searches had led to this point in time, to her. And Harm could not complain nor regret any of his past. Sarah Mackenzie was the rest of his life, fulfilling him with her touch, her faith and her love. He knew their road from now on wouldn't magically become a breeze, but with conviction, was certain they would get through it fine together. He couldn't wait to finally introduce Mac to Grams, mom and Frank.

_So this is what being in love truly feels like, _Harm thought to himself, grinning foolishly. It was like being on a constant overdose on love and it'd turned him into a love sick puppy. _Not that I mind, _he thought mischievously,_ as long as my devotion is returned with equal attention_. 

He jogged the last few feet over and plonked himself down, deliberately knocking Mac over gently in the process. 

Their bodies fought to occupy the same space. Mac shot him a mock glare. "Shove it or loose it flyboy."

"Loose my six? You wouldn't want that, would ya?" 

The seductive drawl and suggestive tone of his voice caused goose-bumps to break out over her arms. His masculinity was one of her few weakness. Despite the shiver that swept through her, Mac claimed her ice cream to cool down the heat she was feeling inside and out. Munching on her cone, she reflected on the past few days. It was hands down the best time of her life. Right now she was suffused with a constant sensation of humbleness and honour, at being the recipient of his love. She couldn't imagine being happier than she was at this moment. Paradoxically, she was also blissfully certain of more, greater joy between herself and Harm. This was only just the beginning and the possibilities for them were infinite. Which brought her to the following issue.

"So what're we gonna do about JAG?" 

"To be honest, I dunno Mac. I guess we'll just take each day as it comes." the anxiousness in his tone was audible, but she soon put him at ease. 

"Good idea."

"You know Mac, sometimes I wonder if we weren't at JAG—" 

She placed a finger on his lips to silence his 'what if'. She'd already had plenty of those and was getting rid of them. "This is the job we signed on for, so let's not contend with 'what ifs' 'k?"

That was good enough for him. Harm stretched out his long legs, tugging on Mac gently for her lie down and rest her head on his thighs. He tucked the flower he'd plucked on his way back from the vendor, behind her ear. Harm grinned at his spur of the moment decision; serenading Sarah Mackenzie had just his number one priority. 

"Did I ever tell you I love your smile flyboy?" Mac mentioned wistfully. 

The effect was instantaneous, the happiest elation brightening up Harm's face to showcase the aforementioned smile. "Really."

Mac pushed herself upright, slapping his knee playfully and turned away, saying cheerfully, "But your infinite cockiness is insufferable Harm." Before she could anticipate the move, Harm had twisted her back around and securely pinned down. The delicious feel of his body and sound of his husky voice filling all her senses. 

"So what else do you love about me?" he whispered into her ear. 

_In your eyes _  
_  
In your eyes _

  


*And thus concludes this chapter in the lives of Harm and Mac*


End file.
